A Journey Beyond the Puke, Poop, and Pandimonium

Seeing the Beauty in the Ugly

2011-09-09T15:17:00.000-07:00

Reflection...I've been doing it a lot lately. Life...what does all it mean? What does all this ugliness in life mean? Why does God take us down roads and strip away dreams that we never thought possible? Where is God in all of this?

My mind wonders a couple years back. Flushed and rushed...I had just finished my marathon of a morning. Wake up. Feed baby. Get girls dressed. Get attitude on what girls were supposed to wear. Get myself dressed. Get girls breakfast. Get attitude on what's for breakfast. Feed baby again. Get husband to work. Get homework done that I forgot to have Reese do the night before. Get sack lunch made. Get snack in book bag. Get girl on the bus. Feed baby again (she ate a lot). Get girls in car. Take baby back out. Change blowout. Change clothes. Put baby back in car. Start car. Notice I have poop on shirt. Stop car. Go inside. Change again. Finally we pulled out of the driveway onto our destination for the morning.

I was frazzled. I was stressed. I was irritable. Rush rush rush...went my heart. My toes curled with stress and my shoulders tensed up like a statue. My head was beginning to pound. This was a typically morning. This was my life. This is still my life in a sense.

In the car, Finley started asking me the 2 year old questions. You know the ones even you don't even know the answer to. You know like..."Mommy why do drive?" "Mommy why do we have to eat?" "Mommy why do we poop?" "Mommy why do I have a baby sister?" Why Why Why?

After a two minute nonstop question fest, my irritated self came out. "Finley, shhhh! Let's have some quiet time for just a few minutes. Please be quiet."

I glanced in the rearview mirror...face flustered with annoyance. The lips of my curly haired blonde sprinkled with defeat. Her sparkling eyes welled up with surrender. The quietness was almost deafening.

The morning breeze picked up as the clouds slowly skirted their way across the turquoise sky. The morning was beautiful. But I had failed to notice that morning. Obviously I was failing at many things that morning.

I turned on the radio. Steven Curtis Chapman filled the interior of van. I finally let out the first deep breath of the morning. We came to a red light.

And then...then the words came. The words that changed my perspective came. And they came from my two year old.

As I looked again in the rearview mirror, those just defeated lips turned into lips showing curiosity, amazement.

"Mommy! LOOK!! WOW!!!" she exclaimed. I looked over to where she was pointing. All I saw was an ugly, stench filled ditch with weeds. I looked again at where she was pointing. Surely she saw something I didn't. But no...her finger and her eyes were pointed directly to this litter infested ditch.

"Mommy...look look!!" Finley pleaded again.

"What is it Finley?" I asked just waiting for some pointless observation.

"Mommy...those flowers over there are dancing! They are dancing to the Jesus music!!"

I looked again. My eyes opened...and I finally saw it. Finally saw the beauty. The weeds in this ditch that I had just labeled as ugly, had suddenly turned into a symphony declaring the majesty of God. Wildflowers were swaying in the wind...almost to the exact beat of the music playing in the car.

"Wow Finley...they are dancing!" I exclaimed. "They are praising Jesus with us aren't they?" I couldn't stop looking. The once grotesque stench filled ditch..the one that the car next to me probably didn't notice...turned into a masterpiece of beauty. A showcase of God's creativity that most of the world would never notice.

I could never pass that ditch again without staring at the "dancing flowers" and Finley would point out that those flowers were still praising Jesus every time we passed.

Isn't that just life? So many times we fail to see the beauty in things. As I have been reading the book by Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts I have been challenged in my own life to slow down and find the beauty in things. Find the beauty in situations. Find the beauty in what we commonly label as ugly.

Doesn't God's word promise that "He makes all things beautiful"?

But God what is so beautiful about bleeding out a life? Losing a child? What is so beautiful about that? What is so beautiful about health issues...weakness...sickness?

God never promises a life of easy outs. But He does promise beauty. He promises Grace. He promises us Himself. So no..I can't change my situations. I can't change the brokenness.

But I can change my perspective. So my goal in the coming days....even years? Finding the beauty in everything God blesses me with.....yep...even the ugly stuff.

This is our life....

2011-09-01T19:59:00.000-07:00

Steve's been doing the workout DVD's "Insanity". Have you seen those infomercials? They truly are INSANE. He has even talked me into doing some with him. I.felt.like.i.was.going.to.die. And I run quite a bit! This is WAY different. So now it appears it has become a family affair. The other night I came downstairs to this:

Randomness...my free association about my Finley...

2011-09-01T13:58:00.000-07:00

I am reading a book right now that when I read the words, it is like the author was inside my mind. Going through my journey with me. Reeling over fear and pain of the brokenness of this life right with me. This book is so so so good. I know God has placed it in my lap for a specific purpose. Maybe many of you have read it already, but if not...please read it. I am not all the way through it yet...but I have a feeling this book could change my perspective on...well...life. Here is the book:

So thankful that God gives us little gifts like this to teach us, mold us, and encourage us that we are not alone in our journey.

Can I just say that I am so so thankful for my three little blessings? They make my job as a mom so much fun. For instance, they always make me laugh. Take Finley. Finley is my free spirit. She is my 70's flower child. She is a leader---she will not be a conformist in this world. She is going to take this world by storm. You know I am not saying that just because I am her mom--even the neighbors say it. Even the YMCA child care workers are telling me this. My neighbor's husband was asking my neighbor if Finley was going to school. She told him she was going to preschool. He then replied, "Watch out preschool world--Finley will soon be directing the teachers." HA! So true. Then the other day at preschool, the childcare worker came up to me when I went to pick Finley up and said, "Finley definitely won't conform or give in to peer pressure will she? You won't have to worry about her." HA....that's why I love that girl so much.

The other day I was explaining to Finley all about the 10 Commandments. She was really taking all of it in--listening to my every word. The movement in her eyes telling me she was processing all that I was saying. As I was explaining the commandment of "Do not lie", she processed it a little more in her head and very matter of fact said, "Mom, you better really explain THAT one to Reese." HAHAHAHA! Gotta love sibling rivalry.

Yesterday was preschool orientation for Finley. She is so excited to be a big girl now and go to "school". She was thriving as we sat there listening about the upcoming school year. Thriving as she saw her name on mailboxes and walls. She is so so excited. As sad as I am that she is big enough for preschool, I am so excited for her. She is so ready. Ready for friends, ready to learn, and ready to take on the world. I sure do love this girl.

Broken World

2011-08-22T14:26:00.000-07:00

It hit me as soon as it left her mouth. No wait...it pummeled me. The words saturated into my soul. The lightbulb in my brain went off. My mom was telling me of a phone conversation she had had with a friend earlier in the day.

"You know, friend," my mom said on that phone call, "all four of my kids are now entering the stage in life where we realize we live in a broken world."

These were words I didn't want to hear. No I want to keep believing that we live in "DisneyWorld" of sorts and life is somewhat like "The Truman Show." But, alas, my own life the past few months has definitely shown me otherwise. Hence my absence all summer. My journey to joy...has been far from joyous. Where has my perspective been? Not on where it should be...

You see, those words that my mom told me that day rang so true because everywhere I seem to turn..there it is. Brokenness....hard stuff. Hurt is all around us. Now I know it's always been that way and now, maybe, I am more cognizant of it. Or maybe it's because my peers, my friends, my family are now going through some really hard stuff. Everywhere around us...stories of difficulties, scary things....uphill battles to face..to overcome.

No my friends, we are not in the glistening newlywed stage anymore looking at the world through our love tainted, rose colored glasses. Nor are we filled with the excitement of that smell and the snuggles that only a newborn baby can bring. No...it seems that we have moved past this. We are finally realizing that this thing called life....well it's tough. And...well...I am finally realizing that (ok...I am a little slow) we are not made for the uphill climb and all the emotions that latch on to us like 50 lb ankle weights.

My 50 lb ankle weight...you ask? Ha...that's an easy one. This weight has been gripped tight on me sinking my feet beneath the muddy surface all summer long. FEAR. I hate this emotion...and you know what...it hates me right back. That ugly thing slithers it's way on me when I am least expecting it. It captures its hold around my neck and strangles me until it can consume me. And yes...I know I let it. I have a bad case of the "what ifs". And then letting my mind take me where that ugly thing is slithering.

You know actually "fear" is one of the #1 commandments God gives. "Do not fear...Do not be afraid." It is mentioned over and over in the Bible. And yet...we live in a society of fear. Many things of what we, as a society, do is motivated out of fear:

Don't eat junk--fear of getting fat
Don't vaccinate - fear of autism
don't eat things that could have pesticides - fear of cancer
don't stay out in the sun - fear of skin cancer
don't ride bikes without helmets - fear of head injury
don't let your child watch too much tv - fear of being a bad mom...

Ok...you get it. Much of what we do...or don't do is all motivated out of fear. Now I am not saying that we should not be responsible. God has given us children and our own bodies to be responsible and to treat responsibly. But, if you are a worrier like me, all of this, all the news media, feeds into my case of the "what ifs".

So I have had to ask myself...."Ok Sarah...what if?" Life is broken. We are not made for this life. We are made for heaven. Bad things are going to happen...to me, to my friends, to my family. This is life. Is it something I like to talk about...no. Is it something I need to focus on?....no. So where is my perspective here? So much of my struggles have been because my perspective is so much on earthly matters...not on the truths that Christ promises me. My perspective needs to change. Christ alone is my life. He is the beginning of my life--my redeemer, my sustainer...and He is the true end of all things...including my life. My life is not my own. This life is not about me....it is about the ONE who made me.

So there...there you have it...my name is Sarah and I am a worryholic. My fear factor scours over every inch of me. I am working on this....Christ is working in me on this. Something I am working on day by day...sometimes hour by hour. So no blogging all summer? Well...now I have been vulnerable and the reason...well...I have been trying to survive. Survive in this thing called life----trying to pick up the broken pieces when it's not even mine to pick up.

And lastly...something that makes me smile....:)

I survived...

2011-05-11T13:05:00.000-07:00

I recently turned 31. Wow..that sounds old. I have been dreading every birthday since turning 26...I wanted to stay 25 forever. And when I turned 30....well let's just say I dreaded that. My husband even through me a "grieving" party with a coffin cake to go with it. So it really did surprise me how when I turned 31...I was actually happy. I was really happy to see 30 go away. You see...30 was a year of major obstacles...character builders my dad would like to say. I would like to say that 30 sucked! But I will try to stay positive here...it was definitely a character building year. Now I know my life is completely blessed. Compared to many, I know these hardships are minimal....but to me, personally, I have been beat up. So I would like to write I list of everything I have so far "survived" and am still "surviving" and celebrating moving past 30. Now I am not writing this list for a pity party. I am writing this so I can remember how God has sustained me this year. How I became stronger. And how I survived it.

I SURVIVED IN THE YEAR I TURNED 30...

- Being scared of losing my mom to a heart attack. Thank the Lord she survived the heart attack and is well today and encourages me daily.

- a big move to a new state...leaving old friends, making new ones. (This is not as easy as it sounds).

- Surviving sleep deprivation from a little baby who never slept her first year of life. The bags under my eyes are here to stay I believe.

- Starting 2 new jobs--leaving the comfort of staying at home full time. With that 2 big interviews which I hadn't interviewed for a job for like 8 years! Leaving my girls with baby sitters--trying to transition them to "listening" to someone else.

- Having to Quit one of those jobs--figuring out every thing has a season and that particular job was a season that I was not quite in yet.

- Having to get used to my husband's new job--one in which makes me a "single mom" a lot of the time.

- Some pretty big financial scares.....and realities.....

- The dentist. Anyone who knows me knows I HATE going to the dentist. I had to get a crown put on this year. I HATE being drilled into...especially since they have a hard time getting me numb.

- Disappointments of not being able to a some fun vacations that were planned per above...and letting others down because of it.

- Losing a child....

- Having some major obstacles in our marriage

-having a family member struggling with addiction

-having a family member out of a job

-having to live in fear of a family member taking their life

-having a cancer scare...

-having a "surgery" to get rid of the cancer scare...

-having complications to the above surgery

-having some medical issues I would have never dreamed I could have had

Now...I know I am still dealing with some of these. I am still grieving. And I have to say...I have not been "journeying" to joy as my blog is intended to show. I, honestly, have been horrible in being joyful. I have been self-consumed through all this...on me. Not on God. Having faith...when your faith is REALLY being tested is hard. And I can't say I have been doing a good job of it. But God has been teaching me....even when I don't show a lot of faith and it comes out as me worrying and being anxious, God is still FAITHFUL to me. And moment by moment I am reminded how I need to focus on HIS truth. For a lot of this "stuff", I have been praying for God to take it away. For Him to clear up my problem. It wasn't going away. And my anxiety about things got worse. Yes I started questioning God..."Why is this hitting me all at once? Don't you know I can't take any more?" I have been drowning...physically and emotionally I haven't been able to stay on top if it. And then after searching God more, I realized I have been praying wrong. I need to pray for God to hold me as we ride through this wall. I can't do it alone...I need Him to hold me.

Then, just today, God showed this to me...and used my 4 year old little girl to minister to me. It was thunder storming and Finley runs into my room scared to pieces. "Mommy! I'm scared" she cried. I said, "Finley, it's just a storm. Nothing to be scared about." A few seconds went by and I looked at Finley who was really thinking hard. She said, "Mommy, does Jesus protect me from the thunderstorm." I replied, "Yes, baby...Jesus protects you from everything!" Then another thunder hits. Finley says, "Mommy...I can feel Jesus's arms around me right now protecting me."

What a picture God has given me. He didn't take away the thunderstorm, but to my scared little 4 year..He wrapped His arms around her as they "drove" through the storm. God...please wrap your arms around me as we "drive" through this stormy season in my life.

I just read somewhere the saying of how Spring is so much sweeter when winter has been so long. Literally, here in Iowa that is SOOO true, but also figuratively....the blessings God has given me in my 3 beautiful girls and my soulmate of a husband...I am truly truly blessed. I look at the faces of these loved ones...and wow...I am blessed. How I hope to never forget how sweet the "spring" of my life really is....

Life Goes On...

2011-04-08T13:30:00.000-07:00

When it seems like your life comes to a halt, don't you assume that it does for everyone else in the world? Or is it my own egocentrism that really comes into play in moments of crisis? I don't know about anyone else after going through a traumatic experience, but I didn't want to go back to the same routine right away. It just didn't seem right. I wanted a chance to grieve. I wanted a chance to heal. But having a miscarriage is something that I guess culturally seems hush hush. No one, at least in my circles, had been previously very open about it. So life just moves about...going on in everyone own's frantic circles...while my heart just stood at a standstill.

The day after I miscarried, my Mom wasn't able to be with me or take my kids. I was still in some pain, and so tired from not sleeping much the night before. I am so thankful for God's people and how He uses them to be His hands and feet during times like these. My dear friend offered to pick up my two girls and keep them ALL day so I could have a day to get back on my feet. And she even brought me my favorite thing in the world--my Starbucks coffee. I was so thankful for that blessing. And the night before another dear friend brought dinner to me. I couldn't get through this time without the support.

You know..they say bad news comes in three. So while I was starting to feel physically better on that Wednesday, I received a phone call that turned me upside...and again...made me very anxious. I am not going to go into details with what this phone call entailed for private reasons, but it made me question many things...and most importantly wondering if my family was going to get through this. Steve was incredibly busy at work (of course) on this day but after I finally got ahold of him to tell him what was going on, he reassured me...again...that things would be ok. Although we had no idea why these things were happening...it didn't make sense to our human minds. Especially finding out the day after we lost our baby.

Then a few hours later, I received the third bad news. Funny how this all happened within a 24 hour time period. It was the doctor's office. A couple of my tests came back abnormal. Meaning I had to go back in for more testing. UGH...not what I wanted to hear. Especially after feeling so physically horrible..and emotionally a wreck. So not only was I now dealing with grief, my heart was beginning to tailspin with extreme worry and anxiety. Why was all of this happening? And honestly, if God allowed the worse to happen to my baby was He going to allow the worse to happen to me and my family too? And lots of questioning of God as to why He would let all this happen in a time frame of 24 hours?

Fear over swept me over everything...everything I could be fearful about...I was. Anxiety was overtaking me. I just wanted to be able to have the chance to grieve for my baby, but I couldn't. Now I was focused on worrying about my family and worrying about what was wrong with me. My dad said something to me that will always stick with me. "Sarah, you are worrying because you are asking God to give you the grace for something you don't have." Don't focus on the what if's...just the facts of what you know NOW...was basically what that meant. God will give me the grace to get through it. Again...there was the word GRACE.

About a week and a half later, I got another phone call. This time it was from my parents. Some more family things...some more very very serious family things that needed urgent attention. My heart just wasn't able to take much more...I thought. But I am still here...

About a week later, I started getting some horrible pain in my left side. I tried to blow it off. But by the time I had to go in to get some testing done for my other test, I had to figure out what was going on. Something, again, wasn't right. I couldn't sleep I was in so much pain. I couldn't rest because I was consumed with so much anxiety...so much worry. I had my testing done and the next day they scheduled me for an ultrasound. More waiting....more worrying.

One of my great friends gave me a stack of notecards with verses on them. Those have been my lifeline during this past month. I read them over and over. One of my favorite ones she gave me is :

Exodus 14:14.."The Lord will fight for you...you only need to be still."

I still don't understand why God was doing this all at once...bombarding me with a bunch of things at once. And a few of the things that were and still are going on...I may never understand this side of heaven. But I do know--God will give me the grace to get through it. GRACE.

The ultrasound came back ok--still dealing with affects from the miscarriage. My testing...well, I have to go in to get further treatment. Not what I was wanting...but it is what it is. Am I sad about EVERYTHING that has happened within my own family and my family as a whole? Yes... Am I still grieving the loss of my baby? Of course. But the fact is....I am still here. And most likely, although I don't quite feel it yet...I am probably stronger.

"To the Lord I cry aloud, and He answers me from His holy hill. I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord SUSTAINS me." Psalm 3:4-5

One thing that has been so amazing through this whole process is that the Lord has been using His people to be Himself with skin on. What I mean is...God has been calling up all my "intercessors" even without my knowledge to pray for me, to encourage me, and to lift me up. The blessings that I have received from my friends and even those who I don't know very well has had a lasting impact on me. I see now how I never fully understood how to serve other people. Through these people who have stepped up and have walked alongside of me through this journey, I have a great idea of what serving others should look like. I am so grateful for all the encouragement, hugs, cards, dinners, phone calls, random messages, and prayers that God's people have done for me...and it truly shows me how God is calling up all my intercessors to help fight for me.

And well....Life does go on. And well....so will I....:)

And well...I am even more thankful for these three blessings in my life..thank you God for them!

Shiloh [meaning God's Gift]-Conversation with God

2011-03-17T13:08:00.000-07:00

I LOVE naming babies. It is one of the best things about finding out that you are pregnant in my mind. I love thinking of names of my babies and looking through the loads and loads of books of baby names. And then I love taking these names to Steve and having him roll his eyes at me. So obviously once I found out I was pregnant, the name search began. I would search the internet and look at books, but even before I started doing that, one name in particular was sticking out in my head.

God obviously wanted me pregnant. We were preventing pregnancy and honestly, may be too much info, but the one egg I had dropped in two years somehow got fertilized. God obviously was giving me the greatest gift He could. So with that, I presented Steve with a name I wanted if this baby was indeed another girl.

"Steve, if it's a girl, I really like the name SHILOH. It means God's gift. And obviously, beyond a shadow of a doubt, God wants us to have THIS gift."

Steve thought about it for a moment and said, "Well, I'm not sure. Let's think about it." I hadn't gotten him convinced yet. Plus, I knew he was thinking I was jumping the gun even thinking it's a girl because he quickly responded, "You know...I could have made a boy this time too!"

A few days went by and I started feeling periods of "morning sickness." Then one Friday afternoon, I was so sick that as soon as Steve got home, I had to go to bed. I cried to him saying, "I can't handle this for 6 more weeks if I get sick like this." Oh how I wish I could take back those cruel words. How I wish I could still feel that tinge of morning sickness.

The very next morning I woke up and was alarmed....I was spotting. Now I know that this can be fairly normal for early pregnancy but it was nothing I had done in my other pregnancies and I was spotting too much for my liking. Of course since it was the weekend, I had to call the doctor on call to put my mind at ease. The Doctor told me that this can be normal, but to call back if my bleeding got heavy. She told me to lay low all weekend. And that I did. But my emotions did not lay low.

I thought I would wake up Sunday and it would all be gone. No..the cramping was horrendous and spotting even more. I was wanting to hold out until Monday...especially since I was not "heavy bleeding" like the Doctor noted as to when I was to call back. I felt horrible all day Sunday and knew in the back of my mind, that I was losing my precious baby. The anxiety I felt was even more horrendous then the cramping I was feeling. I was asking where God was in all of this? Why couldn't I feel His comfort? All I kept hearing was a still small voice telling me, "Trust me Sarah...Trust me". But how could I? Why wasn't He telling me everything was going to be ok? Why couldn't I feel that peace that it was going to be ok? I kept asking God to speak to me...but I could feel nothing. I could hear nothing except trust. Then I asked God, "Please...God.....please just give me one word to focus on today. One word, Lord to make the object of my focus on this day." Thinking that God would give me a word such as "peace" or "It's ok". But no...the word I got was "Grace". Grace? How was I supposed to take that? But ok, Lord, I will focus on your Grace in this day...knowing you will give me the Grace to get through this and this day. But I wanted assurance that I was going to be OK. I wanted assurance my precious baby was going to be OK. I didn't hear it...I heard, "Grace...Sarah...Trust". Unfortuntely, the anxiety continued....

Monday, I woke up...even more bleeding. I called the Doctor's office first thing. The cramping was, at this point, incredibly painful. The doctor wanted me in at 10:45. My mom came up to be with me and stay with the other girls so Steve could go to the Dr.'s with me. I told my mom, "Momma, I am so scared. I will be shocked if there still is a baby here." I haven't called my Mom, "Momma" in years. But I was scared. I was a scared little girl who had no idea what was going on with her body which was in so much pain, or with a child that I loved with all my heart even though we hadn't officially met.

We got to the Doctor's office and I was trembling. The Doctor walked in to do the ultrasound and said, "You know, when I got the phone call about this this morning, and since the dates of the size of the baby didn't match up to your last period, I was concerned. You know...you are now at a high risk for miscarriage." There he said it. He even knew that most likely, he would not find that precious babe in my womb that we had just seen a week earlier bouncing around.

Imagine my surprise that right away, I saw my baby on that ultrasound screen and the heart was fluttering away!! My heart was OVERJOYED. Even the doctor was shocked. The doctor went on to say, "And not only is the heart still beating, but the baby has doubled in size since last week!! You now have an official due date of 11/1/11..just like I said last week!" My heart rejoiced and immediately I gave thanks to God above.

But why was I bleeding?

The Doctor didn't know. He replied, "It could be early signs of a miscarriage...or it could be numerous other things. Many women do bleed while pregnant. It sounds cruel, but right now you are just going to have to wait it out. Come back in a week to do another ultrasound."

And with that, he gave me the most precious pictures of my 4th baby. I was overjoyed thinking...well if the baby doubled in size from last week surely there is no way that it could be a miscarriage. For once in 3 days, my anxiety lessened up a bit.

On the way home from the Doctor's Steve looked at me and said, "Ok...if it's indeed a girl...her name is SHILOH. She honestly is a true gift after all of this."

Shiloh it was going to be.

I had asked many people to begin praying for me at this point. Praying that I would stop bleeding and that the horrendous cramping would go away. I could barely walk I was in such pain. But it appeared the bleeding wasn't slowing down at all. The anxiety started creeping back up again.

As I was rocking Harper to sleep that night in her room, I started crying out to God. I was thanking Him for the gift of my dear baby and the precious picture I head in my mind of the little heartbeat I saw with my own eyes...but was also praying for comfort...for the bleeding to stop and the cramping to go away. Now I do believe that our God is a relational God....I believe that God wants to have actual conversations with his children but many times we don't stop to listen. But as I was rocking my little one year old to sleep, God appeared to me. Now I didn't literally see God...but I knew of his presence..I could feel it...and most importantly, I could hear Him. My 20 minute actual conversation with God will stay with me forever. It went something like this...and I feel that God reaffirmed to me that indeed this baby was a girl...

First of all, He told me again the word, "Trust" and then he gave me a word picture. It looked something like this:

Then He want on to say to me,
"Sarah, your little girl, is in my hands. Nothing can harm her. I am taking care of her right here in my hand. Fear not my child and trust me. I will give you the GRACE you need at this time."

I said, "But Lord, why am I still in pain...why aren't you taking away this bleeding?"

He said, "In time, Sarah. For now, you just need to focus your life on Seeking me with your WHOLE being. Everything else will then fall into place. With your seeking me, you will receive the wisdom to get through difficult circumstances."

I said, "Lord, I want this baby with everything I have. Thank you for blessing me with this 4th blessing. Please help me to be the mother to her that you would want...to be an example, and to raise her to love you with everything she has."

Then the Lord specificially told me something I will never never forget....

He said, "Sarah, this little baby is very very special. I cannot wait for you to meet her..."

After 20 minutes of rocking Harper and listening to my Lord, I felt calm. I felt the peace I had been yearning for. And I felt like everything would be ok. I thought I would be able to hold that special baby in my arms and meet that special baby on this side of earth....

But the next morning, I knew something was drastically wrong. The bleeding was very heavy and I was having some other symptoms that I won't go into. But didn't God tell me just a few hours earlier that He was taking care of my Shiloh? Didn't God tell me she was one special baby? Why hadn't these symptoms gone away?

I had to teach class that morning. The last thing I felt like doing was going to do a Intro to Psych lecture for an hour and a half standing on my feet. I could barely walk, let alone stand. I got to class, and I knew deep down inside that I was losing my precious baby. I couldn't handle being in class. The panic started overtaking me. I was short of breath. The room was spinning. My face was hot. I felt like I was going to throw up or pass out...I didn't know which. I needed to get out...and get out quick. I dismissed the class after only being there for 10 minutes. I couldn't do it. The peace I had just felt hours before was out the window. I was in pure panic mode.

My mom made her way up and I called the doctor's again. They couldn't get in in until early afternoon. Again more waiting. Again more agonizing. Again more pain...physically and emotionally.

We got to the Dr.'s and right away as she was doing the ultrasound, I knew that my precious Shiloh was in the Lord's Hands...literally.

After searching for my precious baby I had seen just hours before, the Dr. proceeded with the agonizing news. "Yes, I am sorry but you have had a miscarriage."

The baby I had just seen fluttering in my belly just hours before had vanished. The baby, that special baby, I had a conversation about with my Lord, that I must have misinterpreted that I would see here on earth, was literally in the Lord's hands.

My heart desperately grieved. There would be no swaddler diapers, no fresh scent of a newborn, no sleepless newborn nights around 11/1/11, and no little voice whispering , "MOMMA" for the first time from the lips of my little Shiloh.

After the Doctor left, I clung and cried on Steve's shoulder. I cried, "But Steve, we just saw her yesterday. When did it happen? "

And Steve responded,
"Probably during your conversation with God. He was literally taking care of her Sarah...right in His very own hand."

My heart ached....and unfortuntely the anxiety just lingered....but oh what God has been teaching me here...I will share what else happened soon....

Shiloh [meaning God's Gift]

2011-03-16T14:27:00.000-07:00

Today I come writing...after again a long while to share a journey our family has been on. A journey I never thought I would partake. I road I never thought I would I would have to follow. But alas, I am reminded that I am not in control of my life. He who is the sustainer of Life is in control of my life. So I write today so I can remember all that God is teaching me on this journey. I write so I can never forget......never forget my Shiloh....

On Febuary 19th, we received news that I definitely wasn't expected. I had finished nursing Harper just a couple months before, had gotten my period once and just never thought much about it. Steve kept asking me, "Are you sure you are not pregnant?" And I reassured him, "Steve, there is NO WAY I am pregnant." My hormones were just wacky trying to get back on track after nursing and we definitely WERE NOT trying to get pregnant. But on that Saturday, I told Steve to go get a pregnancy test so I could prove him wrong..and me right. 20 minutes later, he came back with a test and I went to take it. I have taken oh, around, a million pregnancy tests, and I was positive in what I would see. Just two lines. No plus signs or anything.

Well...4 pregnancy tests later, we knew God had blessed us with a very UNEXPECTED blessing. Our 4th baby. I was in shock. I was in disbelief. I was completely overwhelmed. I was totally freaking out to put it nicely. Harper would barely be two and I felt like I still hadn't adjusted to having 3 children. I always liked the idea of having 4 children, but Steve was very content with the 3 little blessings we had. After Steve got over his shock, he reassured me that everything was going to be fine.

Of course, I had to tell my parents right away....when unexpected things hit me, I need to talk about it. Get encouraged about it. My parents were ESTATIC. They could not wait to meet their 13th grandchild!! My dad sent me this text message the day after I found out that meant the world to me:

"My precious daughter,
While I know this is a big surprise, the truth is that the greatest gifts in life often come that way...
God who knows all things has told us who are his to be fruitful and multiply...to raise up our children
to love and worship Him...you have been CHOSEN by God for His highest calling...to be the guardian of his precious children...
How cool is this! Grandpa could not be happier and your multiplying blessings are just ahead. God always sends the grace to meet the challenges of HIS LEADING. LOVE YOU SWEETHEART"

That was it. That is what it took me to become UBER excited to meet my 4th child. 4 would be a great number for our family. And so you know a woman...once we get excited about something....we start planning. And planning I started. Who was going to share rooms with who? How were we going to tell the girls? How were we going to tell Steve's parents? I was getting very excited.

But I kept telling Steve, it's weird. I just don't feel pregnant. I was hoping to get by with this pregnancy with NO morning sickness...just like I had with Reese. Such a wonderful pregnancy. There was something in the back of my mind though that before I told ANYONE...especially the girls, that I wanted to make sure everything was ok with my precious child.

According to the date from my last period, when I found out I was around 8 weeks. So that next week, on March 1st, I had my first doctor's appointment. I was so grateful that Steve was in town so he could come with me. And on that day I got to see the very first pictures of my precious baby. I got to see the heart flutter and the little "bean" moving around. According to the ultrasound, I was just around 5 weeks. The baby was even too small to measure. I have never been regular with my periods and the same thing happened when I was pregnant with Harper. I just ovulated late with my hormones being out of whack. The baby was even too small to give me a due date, but the Dr. said, "Come back in two weeks and I can give you an exact due date. But right now, I am thinking it will be around 11/1/11/" I thought, "What a fun and perfect due date!" And the Dr. reassured me that I probably didn't "feel" pregnant yet because I was just so early. "That's yet to come" he told me. I asked the Dr., "You know I have had 3 great pregnancies...what are the risks that I would miscarry?" The Dr. reassured me, "Well, the national average is about 1 in 3 pregnancies, but since you have had 3 normal pregnancies, your chances are miscarrying are probably slim."

Seeing that heartbeat was all it took to get Steve excited too. What color hair would this baby have? Would the baby have blue eyes like our other girls? And of course, would this baby be a boy?? Questions swirled in our minds. Our anticipation and excitment was growing by the moment. I could not WAIT to tell the girls. I know Reese especially would be over the moon with this news.

So since everything looked great with our 4th baby, we wanted to go out and celebrate. The girls got to pick where to go and my parents were coming up to meet us and celebrate with us. The girls of course picked Pizza Ranch (which is their 2nd choice..but I nixed McDonalds). And there I revealed the big news:

Me: Reese and Finley, are you guys going to be ok if you have to share rooms again?

Reese: Yes! We would love it...why?

Me: Because we are going to have someone else come live with us. Someone who needs to use Harper's crib.

Reese: (still not getting it) Who is it Mommy?

Me (after trying a few more ways to get her to get it): Mommy's having a baby!!

Reese and Finley started jumping up and down and it was hard to settle them down.

Me: Shhh..girls...this is our secret. Mommy's baby is still very very tiny and before we tell anyone about the baby we need to make sure it grows a little. So please keep this a secret.

Surprisingly, the girls did very good with the secret but talked about it nonstop when we got home and for a few days to come. They were so excited.

Little did we know the road we were heading down in a few days....

And there will be more to this story to come as my heart can only handle so much at this time...

Part of my Day...in pictures...

2011-01-21T12:24:00.000-08:00

Mommy catches me often during the day sneaking up the stairs. Uh oh...

Hey the reason I go up the stairs to to make myself beautiful...like my sisters.

Harper's favorite Past-time these days. Talking on the phone. HEWWOOO? Many unsuspected people in my family have gotten Harper's phone calls unbeknowst to me.

Ok Ok...I will pose for you a bit. But I'm kind of tired.

Kissing her baby doll. This little one is already OBSESSED with babies. No one needs to teach gender to these little ones.

We are practicing....on standing! Yes...at 15 months we are a little behind that we are not walking yet. But we are getting there. Slowly but surely. She will take a few steps when she feels like it though:)

Deep in thought...she is pretending to be "grown-up"

Ahhh..it's not very often I get a "real" smile from this little one. I think we were discussing the topic of "poop" when taking this picture. Yes, totally typically of my 3-almost 4 year old.

Finley's new obsession. Her mommy's red boots. Hey..what can I say? This girl has some good tastes!

Tap tap tap tap...Acting and "sounding" like a Mommy. These haven't left her feet for 2 days!

A BIG FAT F....

2011-01-18T14:23:00.000-08:00

Yes...that's right. A big fat F. That's what I give myself. Since I am now teaching, I am into giving out grades to myself and I give myself an F. An F for FAIL. Yes, I have been so ignoring and FAILING my blog considerably. But it's not just my blog. It's a lot of things.

Let me back up a bit. Last time I had "blogged" I had mentioned that their was a lot of life events that were changing for my household. The biggest thing was that I was going back to work. Well, just two days a week to start so at least not full time. And then come January, I was to start teaching at a local community college here in the town I live in.  I knew I would be busy, sure I knew... But I didn't want to stop doing the things I love as well such as photography, and baking cakes. So since October, here is what I have been up to in list form (I am also into organzing my life now..! HA!):

1. Working 2 days a week counseling kids in school and preparing for each session with them
2. Preparing for teaching college lectures
3. Learning my material for these lectures so I can at least sound half way like I know what I am talking about.
4.  Helping to write our church's Christmas production
5. Rehearsing and starring (ha!! ok..not really..but a small part) in my Church's Christmas production
6. Baking cakes for different cake orders that came in (artistic outlet for me!)
7. Starting a photography business...(What??!! I know...more to come on that later)
8. Getting my family ready to leave for 2 weeks over Christmas to PA.
9. Trying to do this all while my husband travels every week..
10. And oh yeah....nurturing and pouring into the lives of three precious gifts God has given me..

Ok...I admit. I had my hand in WAY too much stuff. But all these things are good things. All these things I thought God brought to me and I couldn't pass up. Again, subconsciously, I was thinking I could be SuperMom...at least for awhile. But come the beginning to December, I starting to Fail. I started to fail at each of every one of those lists. I was not being a good employee. How could I? I couldn't devote the time I needed to for my clients. I was not being a good Mommy. I was so stressed that I unfortuntely, put these precious little pumpkins at the bottom of my list. I was not being a good wife. Poor Steve--he didn't even make my list. This man of my dreams should be #1 on this list.  I was so tired with everything going on that I was failing. Failing miserably. And my attitude about it all...well let's just say that was ummhmmm...failing as well (and that is putting it kindly). Something had to go. I couldn't keep it up.

So I made the tough decision and decided that yes..after only doing it for a few months, I needed to quit my counseling job 2 days a week. I am not a quitter..so for me to resign after just starting killed me. It killed me to say that "I failed at this". It killed me to say that I couldn't be supermom. A lot of mom's work...why couldn't I keep up with it? But monetarily wise, this posistion was not making a lot of sense. Daycare wise it wasn't working out either. So Steve and I talked and prayed and knew that this was the one area that was causing me so much stress that needed to go.

I knew I needed to concentrate on my Mommyhood. And not get so caught up in helping to "bring in the cash" or contributing to the world. My girls are the ministry God has brought to me at this time in my life and I need to take full advantage of it now. It always won't be that way. I need to thank God for this blessing. God will take care of other things in my life that I worry about. I need to focus on taking care of my family. This is something I need to constantly remind myself as I get so caught up in the world's view of working mom's.

I am still an adjunct professor at the community college. But actually, I am loving it. I am only teaching one class...and am gone two mornings a week, but it is just perfect for me. I still get to put my years of education to the test for 3 hours each week, and then I get to be a Mommy the rest of the time. To be honest, the lecture preparing has been grueling, but I am hoping that next time I teach this class it will be a piece of cake! :) I am so thankful to God for the opportunity to have something like this that is so part time. I am so thankful to have the opportunity to invest in student's lives the way my professors did. To hopefully help them appreciate the complex and amazing way that God designed us relationally for His glorious purposes. (Although I obviously can't tell them that in those words! ).

And yes..I am in the process of starting a little photography business. But this is a slow, long process. Photography has become an absolute LOVE of mine. I am excited to develop it more and if I can make a little money in the process then...hey..it makes it even more fun, right? :) I am hoping to post more info about this in the future.

Well failing...it's not something I do quite gracefully. It's quite humbling. Thankfully I have a God who helps me get back on my feet and gives me 2nd (or 3rd and 4th) chances. So...blogging..while I am not committing to anything right now in the midst of psychology lecture preparing, I am committed to do better then once every 4 months. I mean, this is for my girls, right? I fail at the whole scrapbook thing so I at least better make this work so they have a little bit of memories in their young days! :)    So here's to improving my grade....!!

Trick or Treat....

2010-11-03T13:18:00.000-07:00

Trick or Treat

We Look real Neat

We Got way too much good stuff to eat

My Momma does say

that if it don't go away

she will have a big price to pay

For crying out loud

Those dang Snickers she chowed

And for that she ain't too proud

For her buttocks now looks like a jello jiggler going floppity flop

And the love handles....have you heard the term "Muffin top?"

The candy has now got to go

Before she stoops to an all time low

Somebody help find that discipline she does know

Because everytime we turn around

We hear the "hands in the candy" sound

Momma shouts, "Look what I found!"

And pulls out a Snickers again

Is this the unpardonable sin?

So now we hide the candy in a great big tin

Praying she won't let herself in

Momma it's for your better good

PLEASE stay away from the sugar food

Ok...I really wrote that for myself. Hoping it would be self motivation to KEEP MY HANDS OUT OF THE CANDY JAR. Darn Halloween! But I do have the cutest trick or treaters on the block!

This year we had a Bride, A Pink Poodle, and A Black Cat. No Theme this year...sniffle sniffle. It was the first year Steve hasn't dressed up with the girls. They both had admandent ideas this time about their costumes.

My Sweet little Trick or Treaters...

We did have a fun Halloween. My inlaws were in town from PA so they got to participate in all the fun. I love having girly girls so dressing them up was half the fun for me.

Harper's Dedication

2010-11-03T01:10:00.000-07:00

A couple Sunday's ago, Steve and I had the privledge of dedicating our sweet Harper Sophia to the Lord. By dedicating her, Steve and I acknowledged and made a committment to the Lord that we were going to raise her by teaching her about Him and training her up as the Bible commands us to. It also means that I will pray on a daily basis that Harper will come to know the Lord as her personal Savior and grow up to do mighty things for Him! Heaven knows she is already a little powerhouse who needs little sleep! HA! Along with her dedication, I picked up a verse that I wanted committed solely to her on this day:

Ephesians 3:19-20
(add ins by me...)

"Harper I want you to know that Christ's love is greater than anyone can ever know, but I pray that you, Harper, will be able to know that love. Then you, Harper, can be filled with the fullness of God. With God's power working in you, Harper, God can do much, much more than anything Harper could ever ask or imagine."

Harper's Dedication Day. She looked so cute but didn't feel well at all. Her first time being really sick:( Hence her runny nose!

Storms....

2010-11-02T13:04:00.000-07:00

Do you remember that song that we used to sing in Sunday School when we were little? Ok here it goes...umhmm...(me clearing my throat)....Ha...good thing you really can't hear me huh? :)

The Wise Man built His house upon the rock
The Wise Man built His house upon the rock
The Wise Man built His house upon the rock
And the Rains came tumbling down!

The Rains came down and the Floods came up
The Rains came down and the Floods came up
The Rains can down and the Floods came up
And the House on the Rock stood firm

The Foolish Man built His house upon the sand
The Foolish Man built His house upon the sand
The Foolish Man built His house upon the sand
And the Rains came tumbling down!

The Rains can down and the Floods came up
The Rains came down and the Floods came up
The Rains came down and the Floods came up
And the House on the sand went SPLAT!

So Build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ
So build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ
build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ
And the blessings will come down!

The Blessings come down as the prayers go up
The blessings come down as the prayers go up
The blessings come down as the prayers go up
So build your house on the Lord!

I was reminded of this song as I was listening to one of my favorite speakers, James MacDonald who is doing a series on the family. On the family during hard times. Isn't it awesome how God uses random things and people to speak through you when you really need it? And sure enough...he uses simple children's songs to inspire you....well at least me:) As I was listening to this sermon series James Macdonald said something that I LOVED.
He said, "EVERY family goes through storms. No family will beat the odds of getting off easy here. We will all encounter some type of storm in our family lives. And until the storms come, every house on the block looks good...it all looks the same. It is only when these storms come can you determine which house is built on the rock and which is built on the sand. It is only when these storms come that it is apparent if your family is built on TRUTH."

It is my prayer that Steve and I are building our home on truth. The "sand" is the easy way to do family and quite honestly when I feel like I don't have any energy to stand up let alone "train up my child" or "work on my marriage" the "sand" is the most appealing way to do things...and do them quick. But building my home on the Truth...on the rock..takes time...it takes perserverance...it takes energy. But it's the only way our family will make it through these storms...and I know that when I ask the Lord for supernatural energy to do this...He will show Himself mightly. He already has:) Both Steve and I are committed that we want to build our houses on the rock...and not take the easy way out. Maybe this is why God allowed these storms to come into our lives. Maybe we were drifting off path and starting to get lazy...maybe our house was turning into sand. But not anymore...we are refocused. We are moving forward. As my heart wants to grieve all this hard stuff going on around me, I can hear the Lord's still small voice telling me, "Sarah, look in front of you. Not to the right or to the left." It's His way of telling me to endure building this house up with a firm and not shaky foundation. It's His way of telling me that "He works all things for the Good to Those who love Him." And I will trust in Him. Because He is TRUTH!

Lord guide my feet and my mind in a direction that will lift my HOME and family up to your glory!

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger......

2010-10-26T12:57:00.000-07:00

I hope.....

I have been absent. again. sigh. But quite frankly the reason is....well....I haven't wanted to blog. I haven't wanted to share what is really going on. I haven't wanted to act like everything is ok too. Because it's not. I'm really struggling. Our family is reallly struggling. It's been probably one of the hardest times our family has had to go through. And while I don't feel like I am up to sharing what is going on, I do ask for prayer for us. I realize that every family struggles....and I will be the first to tell you that our family is obviously not exempt from these. And as we are going through a difficult time, I can't imagine those families who go through these times without the hope of our Saviour. I honestly couldn't make it through the day without His encouragement and His Word that has told me that everything will be ok. That we will be ok. God is really tugging at our roots and breaking down all facade that have masked our true identity of who we once thought we were.

When I really needed to hear from God, He spoke. It was loud and clear and completely directed at me. And completely brought me that peace when I needed it most.

Isaiah 41:4
"Who caused this to happen? Who has controlled history from the beginning? I, the Lord, am the one. I was here at the beginning, and I will be here when all things are finished."

Isaiah 41:9b-10
"I have chosen you and have not turned against you. So don't worry, because I am with you. Don't be afraid, because I am your God. I will make you strong and will help you; I will support you with my right hand that saves you."

Isaiah 41:13
"I am the Lord your God, who holds your right hand, and I tell you, "don't be afraid. I will help you."

Thank you Jesus for your love and comfort...and most of all your soverignity.

It's during these times that I will admit...the journey to joy is hard to find. When all around me seems to be crumbling and what I thought life would be like is completely not.....I have to choose joy. How do I do that? Well...I will get back to you once I figure it out myself. All I know is that I am going to have to make a conscience effort each and every day...maybe each and every hour.

But I do know...God gives me the strength to do everything. And that He who began a good work in me will continue it until completion....and it's those truths that I have to hold on to.

Well on a completely different note...I have never blogged about my baby's first birthday. Now that was a joyful time. The birthday girl was the smash of the party, of course! She LOVED her cake (now I know for a fact that she is MY daughter! HA!) She had no problems digging right in. And she did get into opening her presents too. It was a lot of fun. We had a Diva party for her. Complete with a pink leopard print foofed out cake I made for her. :) It was a low key party (the poor third baby never gets the big shindigs like her oldest sister got!), but it was super cute! I wish we could do it again soon. Here are some pics...

The Birthday Girl!

The Diva Birthday Cake!

This Girl brings me TONS of joy! :)!!

She shoved in her cake!

mmm...purple icing!

Brining in her mini cake!

This is the theme I got the cake idea off of!

Well we had a lot more pictures of the birthday party but I am not patient enough to deal with blogger upload right now!

New Uses for Ordinary Things...take 5!

2010-10-08T12:50:00.000-07:00

So yes...I have been absent this week. It's been busy again...not even a moment to sit. And well..something less fun came up too...maybe that will be a blog post at a later time. But for now..a new use for an ordinary thing!

So Here is our Ordinary thing or things....

Paper and a Permanent Marker!!

Now...who doesn't have these things right?! But did you know that besides the usual writing and drawing...One could do this?

drumroll Please....

A CENSOR for your husband's Sport Magazines!

I mean...come on ESPN magazine. There is not very many magazines that my husband can subscribe to anyway without gross..tempting pictures. And now...you have followed suit as well. ESPN's annual "body issue" I guess. It features...rather revealing photos that well...lets just say after 3 kids I would not fare well in this issue...HA! Well..I took matters in my own hands. And did you know how much fun censoring can be? You can find that you have a whole bunch of talents with just a pen and a permanent marker...

Look what all you can do while censoring with a marker and paper...

Write LOVING notes to your husband while he reads....

Become your own fashion designer with just a marker and paper!

And become your own stylist....

Ok Steve...you may now read your magazine....:)

Coming soon...pics of Harper's 1st birthday party! It was a blast. But she is now up from her nap..screaming. So I will have to upload later!!

To my sweet baby on her first birthday....

2010-09-29T13:07:00.000-07:00

Harper Sophia,

I can't hardly believe it's been a year since I met you face to face for the first time. My, how fast a year flew by. They say with each child it seems to go faster and faster, and I can say I am totally experiencing that. I never knew how much joy a 3rd baby could bring to my heart until you walked into my life. (or should I say "popped" into my life...ha!) You are so big now...from this first little picture of you in the hospital's cradle. You've come a long way in a year.

So much about me has changed as a mother too in a year. It's funny how with each consecutive child, my mothering seems to adjust and reinvent itself. I now have permanent bags until my eyes...HA! That's right Harper. Mommy sure didn't get a whole lot of sleep this past year. But you are so worth it. What I wouldn't give to cuddle you...even in the middle of the night. I am also a lot more laid back in my mothering style. I don't go by "the books". I go by "what is best to survive". And lean a lot on my instincts. 3rd time around I have learned to just trust my instincts. Usually they don't fail. And I am trying hard to just cherish you. Not wish your baby time away. Cherish holding you every second. Cherish watching you feed yourself. Cherish everytime you look back at me right before you know you are going to be naughty (umhmm..electrical outlet..need I say more Harper?) HA! I have learned that it's ok to be tired all the time. This is just a stage of life...that will soon pass way too quickly. I have also learned, and maybe most important for me, that I cannot be "supermom". I don't have it all together. My house is not spotless a majority of the time. I get stressed easily. I can't have a lot on my plate. And it's ok to have a frozen pizza for dinner every once in a while. I am trying too hard to keep up with everyone else trying to do this, do that, get you involved in this, get you involved in that. Maybe I am thinking that if I don't you will be behind intellectually or something...I know that is not the case. Through this year Harper, you showed me that all I need to be is be a loving mother to you....you don't need all that extra stuff. You just need me. And not a stressed out me.

You are so fun right now. You are starting to say all sorts of words. "Buh bye!", "Momma", "Dadda", "ALL done!", "Nigh night", "HIIIIII". You also nodd your head when you want something. I love it! You wave bye bye and now you just started pointing. I think it's adorable. You started crawling at 11 months, and you are into EVERYTHING. You especially like opening and closing the cupboards in the kitchen. You are sleeping better these past few nights...going to sleep around 8 and not getting up until between 7 and 8am. YAH!! Such a big achievement for you!! :) And such a relief for Mommy! You are still very much a mommy's girl and I hope you always are. I love the cuddles.

You love to cuddle all your stuffed animals. You love your Minnie Mouse that is in your crib. You sleep with your arm around her every night. I hope you always love to cuddle.

You are always so great in the nursery or anywhere we go anyplace. You hardly ever cry and just love to sit and observe. But if you do want something....you definitely let us know. You are a lot more laid back then your sister's were and are just content with watching everyone. Pretty soon you will be right there playing with them.

Harper...God made you so special and unique. What a precious gift God has given me over this past year! I can't wait to see your personality blossom and see what interests God has given you. Thank you for teaching me so much about myself and about God through you. What a blessing it is to be your Mommy. I love you so much! Happy 1st birthday my sweet little Harper. I am so proud of you!

Birthday Week...

2010-09-27T13:06:00.000-07:00

My whole life I have dreamt of being a mom. I remember my little pudgy hands pushing a stroller around pretending I was the mother of 11 children. I remember the clank of my little wooden high chair when pushing the tray down getting ready to feed my baby for the upteenth time that day. I can so easily visualize playing house in my living room...ordering my older brother to play the daddy (which rarely I could convince him to do). And then when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up? It was simple. "A mommy" was all I would reply. I dreamed for the day when I would have that child of my own to rock to sleep, to feed in a high chair, and to take on stroller rides around the block.

About a year after I got married, I vividly remember going over to my parents for a Sunday evening meal. I was complaining to my mom about grad school and working full time...felt I had too much on my plate. I remember my wise mother saying as she placed her arms around my shoulders, "well honey, you are setting yourself up for a great future." And my reply..."Yes, but Mom, all I really want to do is be a wife and mom right now." Kids, at that time, were not on our radar (little did I know I was unexpectedly pregnant though!). Even then, I had that yearning of pushing my little baby in that stroller. And cuddling that little baby in my arms.

Well, God abundantly blessed me by making all those dreams come true---TIMES 3. I am forever grateful for the gifts He has given me in my girls.

But today..I am struggling. It may sound very up surd to some. Maybe a little over dramatic to others. But can I admit that I am struggling that my seemingly last baby is turning 1 this week? When children dream of being a mom...when I dreamt of being a mom...I dreamt of cuddling that little newborn. Now...every stage of my girls is AWESOME and so much fun. But can I grieve that babyhood for me is coming to an end? I don't want it too. I LOVE having a baby in my arms.

Isn't kind of ironic that while you are celebrating firsts during that first year of a baby's life...you are also celebrating lasts? I mean...last time you held your baby's neck to support it's floppy head--she learns to hold it upright. Last time you worked so hard to get a burp out--she overcame it. Last time she would wear that adorable outfit that your mom got for her (which meant so much to you)--she outgrew it. Last time you would be feeding her in the night--she endured it. Last time she sat still in your lap--she found independence. Last time you would open a jar of putrid smelling baby food--she learned better. Last time she would sit in that little whale bathtub--she outgrew it. Her last back and forth in that swing she spent so many hours in--she moved on. Last time you could take a shower without fear--she became mobile. Last time she breastfed---she didn't have time for it anymore.

And while I am so excited to celebrate my baby's 1st birthday, I am also grieving that this year has gone by so fast--most of it while I was in a blur. And while I am so elated that my baby is achieving all of her milestones and appreciating her God given personality that is coming out, I am sad. Sad that my baby will now be a toddler. Sad that most likely I will not have those "firsts" again in my life. Sad that I know the innocence she has as a baby, will ever too soon be stripped away by the cruelness of this world. I wish I could hold on to that baby forever. To shield her from all that hurt that slaps us once her independence hits her. To keep cuddling every cruel word away. Keep kissing every mean look off. To sing off every little bruise.

But I can't.....

That's not the way God designed this life. If he had us mother's holding on to all of that, we would have no need for Him. So I pray...I pray hard that as Harper grows and experiences some of that, that God will "cuddle" every cruel word said to her, that He will "kiss" every tear that those mean looks cause, and He will comfort her in her pain of this earth. I can't do it all...and I am pretty sure that is why God designed this life as He did. To push us to depend on Him...not on our Mommas...

So as I am grieving through this...I am also swelling up with joy. Joy that my baby is learning so much. Absorbing how cool this world is. Enjoying how much the little things in life can bring one so much joy. Today for Finley it was being able to push her own grocery cart at the store. Those little things that bring us so much joy. And Harper...well...I can't wait to see her personality bloom. Excited to see how unique her character is and God's fingerprints all over her. And even though I miss those "first year" stares with those big blue eyes looking up at me as if I am the only thing that matters in the world, I will bottle up the here and nows of her little being. I will miss the senseless babble that I awaken to every morning coming from down the hall. Soon that senseless babble will form into words...and I can't wait to hear those words "I love you Momma!" coming from those sweet little lips. I can even say that I miss those nighttime feedings where I can get full range snuggles from Harper without having to tend to anyone else...where she actually fell asleep in my arms. But soon...even Harper...will learn that sleep is a precious commodity in life....:)

So even though I grieve, I am so excited to watch my baby blossom and fly into the world with abandon. Because I will always be there. Always be there to watch...and most importantly to catch....

Thank you God for this incredible opportunity....

Let them Eat......SOAP!

2010-09-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

So...a bit of an update on the new uses for ordinary things---the bathtub. Well lets just say that that new use lasted us....about a day. Somebody figured out how to turn on the water. Yeah...we were in a bit of a soggy mess. So today...again...I had to get ready for the day. With a whole bucket of toys outside the bathroom door, Harper decided to crawl on in the bathroom. Here is how I found her....

Umm...Yes, that is soap. She had opened a box and got it out. No...I was NOT washing her sweet little mouth out with soap. She hasn't gotten that naughty yet! But needless to say, since the soap smelled ever so fresh and nice, Harper decided she must sample a bit of it....

Ugh...this is not tasting as fresh as it was looking....

Hmm...Not so sure about that stuff. What is all about that after taste?

YHEW....after taste is not that tasty....Look...even the soap got stuff in my teeth...

Well...maybe it wasn't so bad...let me try just one more time....not sure about this...

Ok OK...I am sure! Get this stuff out of my mouth!!!

Mommy...I promise I will never talk back to you....ever....

disclaimer - I normally do NOT let my children eat soap. But..I just couldn't pass up a good picture. Plus the soap was only in her mouth for a second. I totally wiped out her mouth. NO soap was digested before any of my sweet relatives get mad at me! HA!

New Uses for Ordinary Things-Take 4

2010-09-23T13:25:00.000-07:00

So I thought I would continue my series...new uses for ordinary things. This idea popped into my head today while playing with Finley. She actually inspired it. She has a very vivid imagination. Plus, she loves making me look like a fool. :) But I just couldn't resist blogging about it today. You know I realize these ideas are not rocket science...but I get excited when I can find some very "cheap" entertainment. Ok...so here is our new use for an ordinary thing. Well..actually this "ordinary" thing has a few different uses. And I bet you could come up with a few of your own if you haven't already!

Here it is....

A CANVAS BOX!

Super exciting, right? I am sure we all have this type of thing somewhere in our houses. We at the Snavely house, have a lot of these. They are great for the person who does not live inside an "organized mind". HA! This is my idea of organization. Stick anything and everything in these canvas boxes. Put it on a bookshelf and call it done. But did you know that these canvas boxes can serve other purposes as well? Purposes to fully entertain your 3 year old and 11 month old?

So our new use for this ordinary canvas box?

drumroll please.....

Please forgive this photo. It was taken by a 3 year old....

Slap two paper eyes on it and you are automatically a robot! Endless laughter for a 3 year old. But in order for this to fully work you have to talk like this: "FIIINNNNLEY....takke. me. to. your. leeaader." And movements must be very exaggerated and sharp. I'm telling you what...getting the type of laughter I got from this 3 year old, was worth every bit of looking like an ever loving fool....

And she even got to try it out....

umm..disclaimer...putting a canvas box on a toddler's head is in no way shape or form like putting a plastic bag on one's head. No robot was harmed during this entertainment segment...Thank you.....

Ok..another use for a canvas box? Well this one came out of the mind of little Finley. She thought of this one all by herself! She LOVES to play salon. And why wouldn't a canvas box serve the purpose of a salon dryer!!!!

A SALON DRYER!!!!

And if that isn't enought fun ideas for this box...with a baby it's endless amounts of fun...look here....You can....

Get IN AND OUT of it!

Or You can play Peek a Boo in it!!!

And best yet...what Harper loved about the ordinary canvas box??? This ordinary thing also becomes.....

A DEATH RIDE!!!!!

Actually Harper LOVED riding in it.
And no baby was harmed during this ride....

Now...what can you use your canvas box for???

Sweet Moments--Finley Edition...

2010-09-22T12:44:00.000-07:00

The purpose of my blog is for me to never forget the joy that my three girls give me. I want them to read back over these entries someday and KNOW that they brought me the most joy in my life that I could have ever imagined. Because...well..I am sure if you saw me on a day to day basis these days, I have to remind myself to be joyful. The monotony of the day to day life with young ones, the over looming cloud of change just above us, and physical exhaustion can be overwhelming at times. I need to remind myself to stop...and to savor the sweet moments...

Hence...Sweet Moments--This one is Finley edition...

Finley was sitting with me at church this week. She was tired. It was a cloudy, gloomy, rainy day, and she didn't want anything to do with Sunday School. I wasn't going to push it. Plus, I was yearning to cuddle with my 2nd born throughout the service. It's not very often where she will sit still in my lap. I could feel Finley taking everything in. The sounds of worship. The beating of the drums. The clapping of hands. And most importantly, the warmth of her Momma's arms embracing her without any other competition. I was soaking it in. Throughout the sermon, she was starting to get restless and wanted to sit in the chair next to me. As she got down, she was carefully observing all the other people around us. Couples young and old sitting next to each other, carefully listening to what God may have them hear. Some with arms around each other. Other's tending to their babies. After Finley got settled in her seat for some time, I got absorbed in the sermon. In my own thoughts. Soon I felt a tiny warmth go across my back. It was Finley's arm. She was putting her arm around me...just like those around us. Pretty soon she started patting my back as well. Such a precious feeling for a Momma. Seeing a way a child learns and processes. Seeing the others do this around us, Finley knew this was a symbol of love and adoration for the other. Oh, how I ate up this sweet sweet moment.

Then today, Finley woke up. Her unruly hair stumbled into my bathroom as I was getting ready.

"Hey baby! How did you sleep last night?" I asked.

She replied, "well..not good. I had a bad dream."

"You did? What was it about?" I pondered. Very concerned as she usually gets me up if she had a bad dream!

"Well..I dreamed that you didn't give me a hug...."

Break.my.heart. That poor baby did have a bad dream! I assured her that I indeed gave her a hug in her sleep as I do every night. But just to think that a mother's touch can have such profound effect on those little ones. Today..she has been getting some extra extra hugs!!

An Apple a Day....

2010-09-19T17:17:00.000-07:00

So unlike a lot of folk, those great homemakers I know you all are, I tend to not be as domestic as the "common homemaker". Yes, I do make my own bread and I love to bake...but I don't garden, don't cook gourmet meals, don't iron, and don't dust. And I already admitted I don't like to clean. Well, this weekend I wanted to do something I have never done before--attempt to make applesauce. Now..this may be a no brainer to make for most of you, but for me...it was a new adventure. A new experience. My friend in Virginia inspired me. She served us one evening before we moved this delicious pink applesauce. I have been craving it ever since. So since fall is right around the corner, and my husband has been begging to go to the apple orchard..I happily obliged.

We woke up Saturday morning to lightning and pouring rain. The ordinary person would just assume we would have to cancel our little morning trip. But nooooo, my lovely husband was bound and determined that we would still go. Whether we got soaked or not, we were going to get those apples. He was determined we were "hardcore"---(no apple pun intended).

So I got my apples. I thought I would share with you our little adventure in applesauce making.

Off to the Orchard we went. This is the only picture I got of us at the orchard because of the rain. I think we were the only people there besides the workers. HA! We did get some good apple cider donuts though! For me that was worth the trip and getting wet! :)

The Farmer in the Dell..The Farmer in the Dell...Hi HO the Apple O the Farmers in the Dell...

We got our Apples. I got 10 pounds of Cortland Apples. I wanted to get pink applesauce and this is what my friend used.

Next we sliced the apples. No need to peel them!

Threw them in a pot with a little water....and cooked over medium high heat. Does it ever make your house smell like fall!!

The Peels come right off as you cook them. We let the apples cook down until they were really mushy!

And then with a potato masher...we mashed the heck out of those apples. That was fun! :) It took out a lot of my frustration...a good stress reliever! :)

And voila...PINK applesauce with no food coloring...(it really is not as chunky as it looks in this picture...)

I had visions of applesauce making all day. So I got my tupperware containers, I got all my apples. I had visions of gift giving of pink applesauce for Christmas, new neighbor gifts, and a year supply of my own family's consumption. Ummm...look what 10 pounds of apples made me.... Umm...applesauce making is soooooo overrated.....

New Uses for Ordinary Things-Take 3...

2010-09-17T13:38:00.000-07:00

Here at this household, we strive to become creative. We strive to be creative so we can survive. Surviving means a variety of things to us. To my husband, surviving means obtaining the latest bit of technology...( honey bunches...do we REALLY need to get a PS3. Yes, Yes, I understand that you feel your call of duty is to play Call of Duty..but really?) ,. For me, surviving means going through a day without getting poop on my hands.

So for today's New Uses for Ordinary things, I am combining a little a both--technology and my sanity....

Ok here it is....an Ordinary thing:

An I-POD

In this day in age, I would assume most of use have and use an ipod or an mp3 player on a weekly basis. This little bit of technology has made life a-bun-detly easier on getting my own "bun" in shape on the treadmill. But did you know it could be used for this??

Drumroll Please......

A New use for an ordinary thing---take 3....

An I -(don't hear any whining or asking for junk) Pod

Let me tell you folks...this little bit of technology has served it glorious purpose within the confines of the grocery store (aka-hell on earth with little ones...)

Here is how you use it...

-Get a pair of headsets that look like they were invented in 1981.

-Insert headsets in I-(don't hear any whining) Pod.

-Place gently on 3 year olds year.

-Turn on "Jesus" music.

-Crank the I - (don't hear any whining) Pod's volume halfway. This way it is really funny to hear the 3 year old when she does try to tell you something. It is very loud. HA!

-Place 3 year old in basket of the cart. (Warning--do not let them walk with I- (don't hear in whining) Pod. THEY.DO.NOT.WATCH.WHERE.THEY.ARE.GOING. Bad idea near a display of goldfish...need I say more?)

-Happily stroll through the grocery store without hear phrases like- "Mommy can we get this!" "Mommy, I am really hungry for this!" "I WANT THIS RIGHT NOW" "I'm bored..." "Are we done yet?"

-When going through the check out lane, carefully remove headsets from 3 year old's ear. We wouldn't want the checkout lady to "label" us a careless mom for letting our 3 year old listen to loud music.

-Leave grocery store without sweat stains under your armpits and with more hair in tact (on your head that is!)

See now don't you want to try this?

See even both children were dancing and singing a long....

An all around Happy experience

Now why don't you use your I - (don't hear any whining) Pod. I promise...you'll never look at the grocery store the same again.

Confessions....

2010-09-16T12:43:00.000-07:00

So not only would I like to embark upon the task of coming up with new uses for ordinary things, I would also like to use this blog as my confessional box or my confessional booth so to speak. It's kind of like Pilgrim's Progress and I am Christian, trying to unload my burdens. So today I have two confessions, but they kind of fit into one. This is something that is so hard for me to admit. I mean, I am a stay at home mom, a wife, and mother of 3 children and I feel like a failure even admiting this. Ok...here it goes...

I HATE TO CLEAN.....

Whew...that felt good to get off my chest. Ok wait...not quite done...

I DESPISE TO CLEAN....

Better.

Ok, now I am not talking about me, myself. I in fact DO like the feeling of being clean. (And even if I didn't, do you think I would want to admit that one here?) But I don't like cleaning. I like living in an orderly home. But I am not the kind of mom that things are always in order and all the right times. Pop in visits at my house? Well, not greatly appreciated although anyone is welcome to do that. Just know that I am undeniably embarrassed about the way my house looks because I didn't have time to shove all the toys, laundry, dirty underwear inside the oven and under the sofas before you got here. But since I am a stay at home mom, I feel like the house should always be clean so therefore I am not doing my job very well. Does anyone else feel like this?

This leads me to confession #2....

I am a self-professed GERMOPHOB!

I hate being sick. I hate when my kids are sick. The mention of throw up...and I am running in the other direction. Now, I have not always been like this. Just since I started having kids. Everytime we have the stomach flu in this house, it seems like a death sentence for me. I hate hate hate it. I will bathe my children in anti-bacterial hand santizer after E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

So when Reese started throwing up this week...it sent me in a tizzy. I could not stop. Stop doing what you might ask? CLEANING! I was a cleaning WHORE. Yellow rubber gloves, disinfectant spray galore, and my ever so fashionable hospital mask. Steve walked in the house for lunch...first words out of his mouth as the smell wifted into his nose, "Wow...you must be in a cleaning mood." (It doesn't happen very much obviously). I couldn't stop myself...It was like a treasure hunt..searching for any dust, dirt, grime, puke, and poop that I could find. The house looked great.....

for like 5 minutes....

Then it was destroyed by 3 little monsters. Then I hit my reality again. I hate cleaning.

I hate cleaning because at this stage in my life...what is the point?

But I do love cleaning up this little one! She was in need of a serious tub after eating blueberries and raspberries for the first time.

She was quite proud of herself for the mess she made...

But I quickly forgave her after her bath...because who just wouldn't love that little smile!

New Uses for Ordinary things continued...

2010-09-15T12:15:00.000-07:00

So today I was not looking to update my list of new uses for ordinary things But as you stay at home moms know, every day is quite an adventure. Thus, my adventure for today can definitely be put in the list of New uses for ordinary things..

Well here is the ordinary thing that we all have had at our house at some point..

A big ol' lollipop. This is something that has been sitting in the bottom of our stroller for about 3 weeks. Daddy bought it for Finley (ahem..thanks Daddy...) and I have tried to hide it. Well alas, despite my valient efforts to keep Finley from partaking in this cavity sucking, tooth decaying, ADHD envoking little stick, I lost the battle. She found it and she just.had.to.have.it. Ok...I gave in. Really after this week, I have little fight left in me. So I gave it to her with strict instructions:

"Finley, you sit at the table and suck on it. You do not get up, and YOU WILL NOT EAT THE WHOLE THING."

And then I went up to put Harper to bed. I was gone about 3 minutes. And when I came back downstairs I found a new use for a Lollipop....

A TOOTH CHIPPER!!!!!!!!

So..for all of you Moms who just can't wait to see your dentist....try a Lollipop. Not only does it give your kids buckets of sugar inducing cavaties, but it also chips teeth! I know that we Moms can get somewhat desperate for dialogue during the day with other individuals even if this does include your pediatrician or dentist...or maybe your dentist is cute...and you are in need of serious eye candy.....but I regress...use caution when using a lollipop.

ugh....off to the dentist we go....

ps-Just to verify so I am not in trouble tonight....the only eye candy (well any candy I need for that matter...) I need comes through my door at 5:30pm---I love you honey...!! :) :) HAHA!

New uses for ordinary things...

2010-09-14T13:17:00.000-07:00

Do you read Real Simple magazine? I love the section in it that's entitled something along the lines of "new uses for ordinary things". So I thought I would start my own list and post about it everytime I came up with a new idea for an ordinary thing. Now for some of you, this idea may not be new to you at all...but for me, and how seemingly "slow" I can be sometimes, I pat myself on the back for it's new use and somewhat "creative" idea I had to come up with in order to survive...

So for today's new uses for ordinary things, I will have to back track a little ways on how I had to use this ordinary thing in order to survive. It all started yesterday while I was "attempting" on getting a shower and getting ready for the day. (umhum...nevermind that it was 2pm...) I had a little baby who insisted on not napping. So she has to obviously be in the same room as me..and since it was already 2pm (shhh..don't tell my hubby!), I was going to get a shower! I put on a Baby Einstein DVD for little Harps and went about my duty. When I got out..much to my dismay, it appeared we had a little intruder...

Oh no..I didn't see anyone come in while I was getting ready....!! And then I saw the intruder...caught cold handed.... smelling....soap!

"What are you looking at Mom? I just needed to clean my ears!"

"Mommy...aren't you proud of me...look what I found!"

Hmm...what a mess! This little stinker is getting into everything now!

So today, I had to come up with a different strategy. Hence..my new use for an ordinary thing...ready.....drumroll please....

That's right! The bathtub easily converts into a play pen! HA! This kept her entertained for a loooooong time....well..until she figured out how to turn on the water!

hmm..I wonder how long I can get this to work?

Living in the Land of Changes....Yuck!

2010-09-11T12:59:00.001-07:00

So..I have been pretty awful about blogging on here. I started this blog as a way to record my thoughts, experiences, and adventures to share with my three girls. I am not a scrapbooker nor have I been fairly good at recording all of their "firsts" in their baby books...much to my demise. So I thought this would be my way of recording all that stuff plus stories about them! Well...I am determined to be better. I am determined to take the time. And quite honestly, I hardly have had a moment to spare in the day. Harper hardly ever sleeps and when she does my dirty house is yelling at me. Not my blog. And when I get as busy as I feel we have been, I rarely get inspired to write something. And when I get as busy as I feel, I rarely stop to savor my sweet babies. I rarely stop to savor their sweet smells, their sweet sayings, their sweet voices, and their sweet repetitive actions (ie..Harper taking apart every puzzle she can get her hands on..). Ok...let me be honest...I HATE being busy. I HATE not savoring every aspect of what is seemingly frustrating at the time (wiping Finley's rear 10 times a day!..well ok, I don't want to savor that!), knowing that it will be over before a blink of an eye.

I need a perspective change...and I need it quicky..because...well...life is not going to slow down any time soon. Life is changing ever so quickly...

And yes...it is changing because my little baby is not so little anymore (her 1st birthday is this month) and because my first born is in 1st grade, and because my 3 year old is going to be in kindergarten in two years....but that is not the only reason it's changing. It's changing because I am going back to work. Well...just part time...but still...this is going to be a big change for me. I have to be honest that I have really struggled with this aspect of working...even if it's just part time. I.don't.want.to.miss.a.moment. I savor every little aspect of my days with them. And even though I am only working 2 days starting out, I know I will crave those little babes those 2 full days. But I feel like right now this is what I need to be doing for our family. For our girl's future. And for my own future. My dear precious children, please know that life is changing because I want the best for your future, and I will do my best in trying to prioritize this new lifestyle. I have had two great opportunities present itself to me--one is a counseling/skill building job which helps me obtain my counseling license and the other is a teaching job (intro to psychology) at a community college. Once I start teaching, I will be working 2 full days and 2 half days. Who knows...I may really enjoy taking off my mommy hat for awhile and having time in the grown up world. It is a great opportunity for me to decide which career path is best for me for when my babes are all in school (teaching or counseling). God has given me these great opportunities in a poor economic time, so for that I feel very blessed. If anyone knows me, they know that I don't like change. I mean I am someone who won't even change my sheets on the bed for fear that the seasons will change too quickly...ha! Please pray for us as we all adjust to this new change.

Well, in other news...Reese started 1st grade. She seems to be having a fun time. She has trouble getting going in the morning, but when she comes home from school she is usually very happy. There was one day in which I got a call from the school nurse saying that Reese had an earache. Now this is rare...Reese never has problems with her ear. She had no fever, nothing. But we had had a bad morning that morning so I knew it was more emotional then physical. I went up to the school to give her some tylenol and when she saw me she just burst into tears. "Mommy I want to come home! Please Mommy!" Oh it broke my heart to send her back in that classroom. She was so homesick. But I didn't want her to think that everytime she misses me or when something doesn't go her way she gets to come home. She ended up being fine the rest of the day at school, but it broke my heart.

Harper is officially crawling. She started right at 11 months. She is so cute. She takes her sweet time getting to wear she wants...just like her personality. She do things in her own sweet time. She is still my cuddler. LOVES to hug. LOVES to snuggle. I LOVE it. It breaks my heart she is almost 1 year old!! But she is so much fun. Now that she is mobile it does make life pretty interesting..and yes...BUSY! She has only fallen down the stairs once (thanks Finley for not shutting the door!), but praise the Lord she was fine. Scared me to pieces though.

Finley is still Finley. She is "out there" man! :) I love it. She is 90% in her own little dream world. I love seeing her imagine and boy, does she come up with some duzzies! She is my dreamer...and I hope she never looses that. I decided not to send her to preschool this year. I want all the time with her that I can get before the cycle of school starts. We are doing some preschool at home together. I also signed her up for dance (pics to come when that starts!), Cubbies for Awana, a Cooking class at the Y, and a tumbling class at the Y. I am sure we will keep pretty busy!

And now, I have a ton a pics that I haven't posted yet. I promise..I am going to make a resolution and be better blogging...I wanted to do it every day orginally...but lets just go with at least once a week now!

My Girl and I at the Balloon Festival..

Harper LOVED watching the ballons in the sky!

Daddy and his girl!

Mimi and Grandpa came for a visit during the State Fair..it was fun having him here and getting a picture with both set of grandparents!! We are blessed we are so loved!

Our cousins came for a visit as well. They all had some fun flip flops!

Look whose crawling!!! It's precious...she is very methodical in her crawling...slow and steady but still enough to get her in plenty of trouble! HA!

She's getting so big so fast!!

Her fun smile...I love how she wrinkles her nose!

Ok...blogger is not uploading my pictures right now which is highly annoying...I will try again later!

WATCH ME!!!

2010-07-29T12:30:00.001-07:00

Voices echo in my mind
You know, the small pitched kind?
They are the words I hear all day long
The voices swarming my head form some sort of song
"Watch me!" they say loud and clear
For these days are soon drawing near
These two words are often said
From 3 sets of lips at sun up until bed
"Mommy watch me!" Reese bellows from the other room
Oh, just another pointless silly face, I assume
I turn my head her way
Annoyed that she interrupted me, I hate to say
There she stares laughing and eyes crossed
"Wow how cool," I huffed, mad at precious time just lost
Not five minutes later, I hear those two words again
This time they are from a little girl named Fin
"Watch me!" she delights
Too excited for me to put up a fight
"Quick honey, Mommy's busy" I say
With that she starts twirling without dismay
"Wow how pretty!" I exclaim
And then go about my work without a shame
Two minutes later two little voices pipe in my ear
"Watch us!" they scream and what I see sends me to fear
Two little sisters and Harper twisted up in a ball
"Stop it you two! Leave her alone!" I call
They leave the room with tears in their eyes
"We just want to be with you," Reese sighs
Striken by guilt, my heart skips a beat
With this new realization, I take a seat
With those two little words comes meanings galore
Not looking for ways to ignore me more
"Watch me!" really means "Notice me!"
And "Do you like what you see?"
"Watch me!" means "Am I important to you?"
I should have stopped what I was doing if I only knew
It goes by way too fast
And these days will long be past
Glimpses of the future flood my mind
With those same two little words of the same kind
"Watch me!" Reese says on her two wheeled bike
"Watch me!" Harper says while taking her first hike
"Watch me!" Finley says on her first day of school
"Watch me!" Reese says as she swims across the pool
"Watch me!" Finley says as she drives her first car
"Watch me!" Harper says while going to college afar
"Watch me!" rings in chorus as they are all dressed in white
These are the days I will long for with all my might
These days are so fleeting and fast
Only my memories of them will last
So with every spoken "Watch me!"
I will stop and watch as if the whole world can see!
Because, my 3 little ones, you are important to me
And every little move you make unlocks my heart's key

Finley playing tball!

WATCH ME JUMP MOM!

Oh Harper...how big your little toes are getting!

Who just wouldn't want to squeeze that belly! Lotsa love there!

WATCH MY SILLY FACE MOMMY!

WATCH THIS MOMMY!

WATCH THIS MOMMY! And see my pretty sticker earrings?

Finley you are getting so big so fast!

Whose your boss??

2010-06-14T18:46:00.000-07:00

Well it took me over 6 years to figure it out. To finally have my ah ha moment. It happened at 2:30 am this morning. "AAAAWAAAAAHHHHH" rung from down the hall and startled my dream of eating a huge chocolate cake with a moulten lava center (oh blast it!). I sat straight up in agony. I thought not so pleasant thoughts, and it hit me. I am a slave. I know I am a "domestic engineer" refining our next generation (wow that sounds glamourous huh?), but I have a boss. I have a big boss. And at 2:30 am I have a mean boss.

Yep, Harper bosses me around like no other. One could say that she "owns me". Some whimpers and wails from this little 8 month old, and I am running around in submission appeasing all that "her majesty" is requesting...ahem...demanding. So at 2:30 am I mutter under my breath certain phrases like, "Harper..you are too old for this.." "Harper this is naughty behavior", and "Oh Harper, can you please just give me a night off?" Much like how I feel many of us would respond to an overly demanding boss. We all have had one of those at one time or another haven't we? Well, Harper and my other girls for that matter meet this description of a demanding boss to a tee. Well, I guess except for a few areas. So here is my list:

Things I do and Say to my boss that you couldn't get by with in the "real world"

-I could never tell my boss how I love her chubby thighs

-I could never get by with kissing the cheeks of my boss about 100 times a day

-I would never allow my boss to suckle certain body parts in order for survival

-Telling my boss a few times a day that "she stinks"

-I could never just feed my boss cheerios in order for her to "shut up" for a few minutes

-Making silly faces and jumping up and down will not make your boss break into a belly laugh

-I could never (nor would I EVER) wipe my bosses private parts....

-I would never let my husband give cuddles to my boss

-I may get fired if I try to explain to my boss about wiping from front to back...

-If my boss happened to pass gas, I could never say, "OH DOES SOMEONE HAVE TOOTERS TODAY?"

-If I smelled something "fishy" I could never pull open my bosses pants to check if they "left a surprise"

-And last but not least, I most definitely would not tell my demanding boss how unconditional my love was for them.

Where is time going?

2010-06-11T13:54:00.000-07:00

Boy, starting this blog I was determined to do better at my blogging..which I love to do. But then the month of May hit...and it hit with a vengence. We had my birthday, then we had Reese's birthday, then my inlaws were here for a week followed by one of my best friends from Ohio came in the day they left for almost a week, then I had two cake orders to get done, then my Parent's 40th wedding anniversary, end of school activities for Reese, and then a trip to Disney World. Whew...I am exhausted. And I have no idea where the month of May went to. So for the post, I won't get us all caught up on our activities but I'll try to get the jist of everything up until DisneyWorld, which we just got back from.

I'll start off with Reese's birthday party. Boy...do I consume myself with party preparations, cake baking/decorating, and trying to make it perfect. For about two weeks I consumed myself with this. I wanted EVERYTHING to be perfect for my newly crowned 6 year old. She wanted a Scooby Doo party. So I thought...hey instead of the typical "Scooby Doo" cake pan cake, I'll just design my own Mystery Machine Van for a cake. Well...I think I got myself over my ol'head with this cake. It made me realize that I am not the cake artist that I thought I was. Let's just say that the Mystery Machine looked like it had been broke down for quite some time and many of the tires were out of air...oops! But oh well..Reese LOVED it and that is all that matters.

So in preparation for the "kids party" (we were having a family party later that evening), I was hurriedly making cupcakes and treats a few hours before the kids were to arrive. I noticed some ants crawling on the counter. Oh well, I thought, I don't have time to mess with being a bug control. I am a party planner right now! I did get rid of the ants (just a few might I add) I saw on the counter, and moved my work area to a different location. Still trying so hard to make it perfect (and boy do I get so emotionally into this stuff...it's insane really..), I worked up until the last minute. The party was to last 2 hours. I had them do a "mystery scavenger hunt" to find the missing birthday gifts, dress Steve up as a "mummy" and then have him chase them around, and then have a contest with Scooby bone snacks. Oh and I pinata...(but of course I forgot all about that at the party....oops!). I thought for sure all this would keep us busy for 2 hours. Um...not so much. All that kept them busy for maybe...um....45 minutes. And then we had the cupcake incident. Well...me and my pefectionism was definitely crushed when I passed out the cupcakes and I heard one kid say, "YUCK! There is an ant on my cupcake." Horrified I stepped in to see what was going on when another kid piped up, "YUCK there is an ant on mine too!" and then another.....and another.... Yes...I was horrified. Needless to say even after the ants were gone and new cupcakes handed out, no one ate theres. And then there was still about 45 minutes left until the party was supposed to be over...and we had done EVERYTHING. So I had to be creative and come up with more games last minute. I only had a few "I DON"T WANT TO DO THIS. I'M BORED..." SIGH..... So much for my perfectionism. You would think I would learn by now that nothing will ever go as planned.... Reese did have a great time though...and really, truly, no matter how much I stress myself out over these things, this is what truly matters.

Here are the kids with their "spy glasses" on. They were hilarious! I got such a kick out of seeing the kids put these on before their scavenger hunt!

Even Harper had to get in on the action! HA! She even kept them on for awhile!

Her fun sparkler candle! This was before anyone saw the ants. They were happy here...5 minutes later...not so much! HA!

Here are the little ones dressing steve up with toilet paper like a mummy. He was such a good sport. I had him do all the "monster roles". The kids loved him chasing them around!

I am sad to say I didn't get any pics of when my inlaws came. We had a great time with them thought and can't wait for them to come back. And then my roomie from college came. We had a great time...Lisa came as well...and the trinity was back together again. These are my 3 best friends from college..and I'm so lucky to have such great friends. We will always be the best of friends and I am so thankful for the days we got to spend together. I wish Megan lived closer. She is pregnant with her third little boy...hmm..maybe some marriage arranging is in order! HA! We had a week filled with lots of girl talk and shopping! :) And they got to see Reese play soccer and the girls just loved having both of them stay with us for the week! :)

My cute little soccer player on her last soccer game!!!

Well I now have a 1st grader. I can't believe it!! We had her kindergarten celebration at the end of the month. They don't have a graduation so this was kind of their thing to end the school year. It was so cute. Reese was the hostess for us in her class and served us cookies and lemonade and then they sang us songs and she received her certificate. We are so grateful that Reese had such a great teacher with us moving in the middle of the year. She was great for Reese and helped Reese adjust.

My big 1st grader...it was so fun to see her classrom and all the progress she has made this year! I even got to go on a field trip with her and her class to Living History Farms. I didn't take any pictures though. It was fun to be able to spend lots of quality time with her this month.

Then I was consumed with making two more cakes. One for my parent's 40th wedding anniversary and one for my friend Lori's little boy who turned four. They were fun to make!

The Happy Couple with their cake! So thankful my mom was feeling well enough for this dinner!

I am not used to making boy themed cakes..ha!..so this was my first attempt at a Spiderman one. This was a four layer cake with the colors-red, blue, black, and red as the color of the layers.

And then how could I not post pictures of the other loved ones in my life. So here are a few...

To my 6 Year Old...

2010-05-14T19:45:00.000-07:00

To My Precious Firstborn on her 6th Birthday,

It is almost 6 years on the dot that you were born as I write this. I wasn't a Mommy until 10:40pm on May 14th when a precious baby girl was placed into my arms. My heart would never be the same again. My heart never knew how much joy could it hold. Holding you in my arms, 6 years ago was one of the best things I have ever experienced in my life. You made me a Mommy. You changed me. You changed me into something I had always dreamed of....a Mommy, a caretaker, a nurturer.

I am so proud of who God is making YOU. And I remember His promise, "That He who began a good work in you, will finish it until completion!" What a great promise as I watch you grow up. You are the sweetest child I think a mother could have. Today as I was making your birthday cake, you came up to me and said something along the lines of, "Mommy, thank you for working so hard to make my birthday so special and making my cake so cool!" Wow...that comment made all the sweat and stress I had over that cake so worth it.

You are always so quick to help me. This year has been a huge year of transition. You transitioned from preschool to kindergarten. Going to school all day was a huge change for you. And for Mommy. Oh, how Mommy misses being with you all day. Then you transitioned into being a big sister again when Harper was born. Wow...have you ever been a God send to Mommy during that transition for Mommy. You were complete and utter JOY and helpfulness to me as I was adjusting to having a new baby in the house. I couldn't have gotten through it without you. God used YOU in my life for this, Reese Elizabeth. Thank you for filling my heart with joy and encouragement during this time for Mommy. Wow...who knew God would use a then 5 year old:) And then you went through the transition of moving...and then going to a new school. This was by far the hardest for you. Adjusting to the new school was hard...and it was so hard for Mommy to watch. But things quickly have changed...and now I see you once again thriving at school. I see the other kids asking to play with you at recess and my heart soars. They are beginning to see the Reese that I know. The Reese with the alluring personality, the contagious laugh, and the compassion for others.

This year you have learned so many new things. One of the biggest things you have learned is to read. I love listening to you read and see you developing a love of reading. It is amazing to me how fast you learn! You are also learning equations. Just think...at the beginning of the school year you didn't even know how to count to 100 by yourself. Now...well...that is a piece of cake. And then, even more important to Mommy, you have learned a lot of Bible verses and finished your first Awana book!! Learning God's Word is the most important thing that you could memorize and apply to your life. I love to see how excited you are about learning your verses and going to Awana. God will use this wisdom you learn in your life Reese. It is a testimony to you Mommy...I need to memorize more!

Happy Birthday my sweet Reesie Piecey. You mean the world to me. I am so proud of you and can't wait to see what this next year brings...and how my joy will even increase with you in my life! :) I love you!!

Love,

Mommy

You Know Your Old When...

2010-05-11T12:39:00.001-07:00

You have three children..
You can't leave the house without visiting the potty...and that is for you..not just the kids..
When you are in your pjs at 7:30 and in bed at 9pm and you consider that your ideal night....
You have GINORMOUS purple bags under your eyes...that never go away. I could travel a long way with these bags....:)

If you go out to eat, you tell your husband you need to leave and be at the place at 4:30pm because it just gets too crowded after that...

you just can't believe "what high school girls are wearing these days..." ( boy, I sound like my mom!)

the one night you stay up past midnight you pay for it the rest of the week...

And you realize you have no life outside of Facebook. (Yes...I admit...sometimes I get obsessed with reading People.com or Facebook so I can read about other people having a life....ha!)

Ok..I admit it. It has taken me about 1 1/2 now to actually admit it. Here it goes....I.AM.THIRTY.YEARS.OLD. Wow...that was hard to say. I have been dreading this birthday for a long time. And it came on May 1st...and it has just taken me this long to come to grips with it. I had decided I will forever be in my 20's but then looking at my life and my list above, it appears I could pass for well.....an 80 year old!! Oh well...they say that the thirties is the new twenties. Let's hope that's the case.

I do have to say that my husband gave me the best birthday I have had in a long time though. I woke up, greeted with kisses from my 3 girls (that's enough to make my day!) and my handsome hubby. Then Steve gave me my cards with a schedule of my day. He had planned it all out...every minute and every dollar!! :) First up...a massage and facial that was to last all morning. He gave me a giftcard for those that even included the tip on it so I wouldn't have to worry about a thing. What man thinks of these things?!?!!!! The massage and facial was divine!! 2 hours of total relaxation. That hasn't happened in a long time. Then shopping with my sister in law for the rest of the afternoon. Shopping without kids...well that is enough to put me in heaven!! :) Then at 4pm I was to be back at the house because he had a little surprise party for me! He had it all decorated--balloons, etc. Except..it was all in black! :)

I kept calling turning 30 the day of mourning, and he, of course took it to the next level. Ummm...take a look at this cake he ordered for me:

A Coffin cake! How awesome is that?! And it was Red Velvet which is one of my very favorite flavors! It was so much fun! We had a great time, and Steve went over and beyond for me. I love that man so much. Now I have got to get thinking about his 30th birthday. Now that I am "his Old woman", I have a lot to live up to! :) HA!

In all honesty though, turning 30 has been a hard one for me. 30 sounds so old to me. And I really realized how quickly life is going by (not to be a Debby Downer or anything! HA!). I have heard that people generally feel a lot more "settled" in their 30's. And I am hoping that is the case. I have felt very unsettled these past few years. And I am not totally sure why. I sure love being a Mom to my three beautiful girls and I wouldn't ask for anything else. There is nothing greater then that. But to the outside world and those who have never been a stay at home Mom, they may feel that I haven't accomplished much in life (in material standpoints anyway). I am 30 years old...never have been incredibly established in a career, never have had the time to volunteer extensively, never had time to write my book (ha!), and don't even have the time to take a nap although every day I desperately want to! So what does my resume look like? Well...let's just say to the average hiring manager in this economy....well, I may barely get a second look. That's right...I have a masters in mental health counseling, a 4 year college degree, and a couple of years experience working in that field...but it has been many years. Now my resume would look more like this:

_____________________________________________________________

OBJECTIVE:

To get through the day without losing my patience, getting poop on my hands, actually getting to eat a hot meal, and fitting a shower in somewhere.

EDUCATION:

Honey...I got as much education as I needed on these dates:

May 14, 2004

Feb. 25, 2007 and

Sept. 29, 2009

Passed these books with flying colors:

The Hungry Caterpillar

I Love You Forever

Good Night Moon

Llama Llama Red Pajama

WORK HISTORY:

2004 to present - COOK

I cook everything from hamburger helper to macaroni and cheese..and the occasional pacifier that I forgot I left in the pot. I have dealt with very difficult "customers" which in turn has made me very creative in "hiding ingredients" into your normal every day kinds of food. My philosophy..if you don't eat it, you go hungry. This realization and "rule" I set has helped establish consistency and order in my kitchen.

2004 to present - MAID

To avoid killing myself on Barbie's head on the foot of the stairs, I am constantly picking up toys that are flippantly thrown about the house. This goes from the occasional teddy bear to the maxi pad box that was found in the master bathroom that made it's way to the front door. I am skilled in all kinds of removal services: stinky waste removal, crusted boogie removal, grimy hand print removal, and the bad attitude removal. I do not specialize in dust removal, however. Nor will I have anything to do with an iron.

2004 to present -TAXI DRIVER

If you have a soccer practice, soccer game, or carpool for school, I am the woman to get you there. I have set a record for delivery time-Leaving with passenger for soccer at 5:55 and arriving 10 miles later to the soccer field at 6pm. Beat that Azar (my NYC Taxi driver's name!)!!!

2004 to present - NURSE

Rectal thermometer watch out. If my baby feels a little warm, I rush to my trusty friend, the rectal thermometer and check it out. My nursing ability ranges from kissing a "boo boo" to applying pressure to the chipped tooth that is squirting out an incessant amount of blood. I can accurately describle various forms of poop, including but not limited to myconium, diarrehia, and the "whoops I ate too much food coloring" poop. I do not do throw up.

2004 to present - REFEREE

With three girls, I am quickly able to call out an INTERFERENCE as I see one. Pinpointing face masking is another speciality of mine. Fair is my name and no bull crap is my game. I am quickly called into cat fights on a daily basis which usually includes scratching, name calling, and unsportsmanlike conduct. Many pentalities are given out during a given day.

2002 to present - FINANCIAL ADVISOR

My speciality lies in budget grocery shopping while being distracted with a runaway toddler and a crying, pooping baby. Trying to stretch the dollar with coupons and knock off brands is hard, but it is rewarding. I am still working on the old budget in the area of budget mall shopping though.....

2004 to present - STORY TIME LADY

I don't even need to look at the pages of the book, Llama Llama Red Pajama to tell you that story. I have even discovered the art of reading a "longer" book in 2 minutes by "speed reading"...HA!

2004 to present - HAIR STYLIST

I have three girls...need I say more? I have the pig tail and the french braids down to a science.

2004 to present - FASHION ABUSER

Ok, ok...I know it's not ok to wear sweat pants in public, but they are so comfy!

REFERENCES:

Reese - age 6

Finley - age 3

Harper - age 7 months

Please notify me if you will need to contact them. I'm not sure what they would say. I would need to rehearse their response in advance. Thank you!

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

I talk a really good baby talk. I also can scream so loud in the house that the neighbors across the street look out their windows to make sure everything is ok.

_________________________________________________________________

Ok...so soooo what that in "world's standards" I have not been career successful in my thirty years. So what that I haven't used my degree to it's full potential. So what that I don't make any money. I know that I will never...and I mean never regret this time I have with my children. It goes by so fast and it is something I will never get back. I can always go back to my career when they are older, but I can never go back to helping develop and train my children when they are young. My days may seem monotonus to some. My days my seem insignificant to others most days. But to me...they are fleeting. They are glorious. For God has given me the best responsibility I could have ever asked for in my 30 years. Raising children. Have I accomplished a lot in 30 years? That would be three YES'S--Those three sets of blue eyes that peer up at me and tell me how much they love me every day. I am a rich 30 year old woman!

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T18:02:00.000-07:00

To my 3 beautiful daughters on Mother's Day:

There is nothing I treasure like being a Mother to you. It has been my lifelong dream to just be a Mom. God fulfilled something greater then I could ever ask or imagine--He gave me three little girls. I wake up with joy just thinking about you. Just the thoughts of you fill my heart with joy that I didn't even think was imaginable. Reese--thinking of your tender heart, nurturing spirit, and that little aggressive soccer player makes my heart melt. Finley--thinking of your witty sense of humor, your curly hair (or cuwley haiwr as you pronounce it), and your cuddles warms my spirit! And Harper--just the thoughts of those chubby cheeks and that sweet smile breaks my heart into a million pieces. I thank the Lord for all of you. You all make it so easy to be a Mother....(well on most days! HA!).

I love you!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reese got me the best Mother's day gift that she made at kindergarten. She paper macheted a bowl and put coupons in it. Then she wrote on the coupons what I could redeem:

A Big Hug Coupon

Getting my Laundry done by Reese Coupon

One Day She will Listen Coupon (hmmm...?!?)

Making me some hearts coupon

Then she wrote me a card. It looked something like this:

To Mommy

My mommy is prite (pretty). My mommy helps me pic (pick) up my room. My mommy helps me when I get a boo boo. Happy Muthr's (Mother's) Day.

Love,

Reese

Can I tell you that is priceless to me!! That is way better then anything money could buy! :) It made me feel very special.

Another thing that made this Mother's Day so special is because I was able to celebrate it with my own Momma! :) I haven't been able to for the past 5 years because we were in VA. And then...well...after she had her heart attack it makes me so grateful for every day that I get to spend with her. AND I am so thankful that I got to spend this Mother's Day with her. She is my inspiration for a mother. I just keep thanking the Lord for being able to spend this Mother's Day with such special special people He has blessed me with!! :)

My Mom, my hero...

2010-04-28T12:51:00.000-07:00

Although the title of this may sound a little cliche, this is truly how I feel about my mother. My mom has always been my best friend. She is my encourager, my cheerleader, my rock in hard times, and the best advice giver that a daughter could ask for. This woman as been through a lot. If you already haven't heard, my mom suffered a heart attack this last Sunday. It was very scary. And then if a heart attack isn't enough, they found a clot in her heart and then she was having serious complications with the site that they did the angiogram--with the main artery in our body! It has been an emotional week...a series of up and down emotions. Just like this...I got a phone call from her yesterday morning. To my surprise they were discharging her from the hospital! Then I get to the hospital and another crisis happens. They were worried about a possible clot or pseduo anyersym in her leg. More rushing around getting tests down...more waiting...more worrying. That just was how this whole ordeal has gone. Thankfully, my mom is home now trying to recover from this massive awakening----she is now a heart patient.

Now it just doesn't seem fair. My mom has had almost every thing a woman can go through in her life. She has had a brain anyersym, cancer, oestophorsis, 2 back surgeries, arthritis, and now a heart attack. She eats well, she exercises almost every day, and is so tiny! I feel so much for my mom right now. And through all this, she still is so positive...such an encourager...to me! I should be the one to encourage her. She is one strong individual...the strength I have seen in her is so inspiring to me. I love her so much and am so thankful God saved her in this situation.

A few weeks ago, I entered my mom and I into a mother/daughter look a like contest. Now..we get told we look JUST alike all the time. I am so honored. I hope I can not only look like her...but show the strength she has as a woman of God. Now..I don't think we will win as I looked at some of the other entries...we look a like but not as much as some of the pictures. But I want to honor my mom and post what I wrote into the contest what I love most about her. She is the best. Here it is!

Walking through the mall, stepping into an elevator, or even sprinting through the grocery store with my mom we are always greeted with the same response. The same stares. The same smirks. And then the same comment. I can even recite along with the strangers now. “Wow, you two must be Mother/Daughter.” Every once in awhile the onlookers will sarcastically greet us with a smirk on their face and with a “You two can’t be related, can you?” When my friends see a picture of my mom or meet my mom in person for the first time, they seem almost taken back. “Wow, Sarah! I can’t believe how much you look like your mom.”

I never knew what to think about this until it came to a head in the winter of 2000. That is when my future husband met his future mother in law for the first time. As the day was coming to an end, my new boyfriend and I were discussing his first impressions of my family. Thinking he would go on and on about how hospitable my mother was, he proceeded to say, “Wow..you are marriage material! You will be hot when you’re older!” I just shook my head and walked away knowing boys will always be boys.

But I now think about those comments and I am honored. I am honored to look like the person who has been my role model for 30 years. I hope I can only grow into half of a mother, wife, and human being that she has been. My mother has been my best friend since the time I was little. I can tell her anything. I can always look to her for the best advice. I can still call her when I’m sick. And she will still show me pity. As I have become a mother, I savor her wisdom and her advice. The best advice she has given me, I remember as a child her doing it with me. Her advice, “There will always be floors to mop and dishes to be done. But their always won’t be a 3 year old wanting to play princess with you. Savor playtime with your children.” I remember my Mom playing with me and stretching my imagination. She cultivated creativity within me. She allowed me to think outside the box. She knew that her time spent with me would do more for me in years to come then any new fangled toy for me or tip top clean house for her. I will always treasure those times with my mom.

My mother has showed me what being a mother is all about. She has been so selfless in giving of herself for her children and her husband. She always has time for me. She always has a listening ear. She always has the best advice. I am honored to look like my mom. It brings me hope that maybe..just maybe I can be a little more like her to my children someday.

A Day with Grandma

2010-04-23T13:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I took these two little ragmuffins up for a visit with their Grandma...

We got to swing on the swings with our Grandma...

We really concentrated on our pumping the swings with our Grandma...

No "butts" about it...we were having a great time with our Grandma...

We even got to play in her backyard for a bit..

And we got to feel grass for one of the very first times at Grandma's...

We can't wait for more days with Grandma!

When we got home...I made these for my nephew's Mario birthday party...Reese informed me they don't look anything like they are supposed to, but as long as they taste good...it's ok with me!

The Anatomy of a Bubble...

2010-04-21T13:15:00.001-07:00

First you start chewing really good....

Then start putting it around your tongue...

Then keep it around your tongue and blow....really really hard....

Here it comes....watch quickly because....

...it doesn't last long!!!

Random Thoughts 101

2010-04-19T12:07:00.000-07:00

1. My 2nd born never ceases to make me laugh. Today at the grocery store an elderly lady came up to talk to her and the little one. Now, I mean to say this in the most sincere way, but the lady was a little unkempt looking....a little overweight. I sound so mean. But anyway..as she was walking away, Finley blurted out, "Mommy? Does that lady sleep in the park??" I.about.died.

2. Does eating Weight Watcher and Lean Cuisine Meals defeat the purpose when I am constantly adding either loads of cheese or sour cream on the top of them? And I don't use reduced fat either...just the good old regular stuff. I digress...it must cancel out the Lean part in the title or the Watcher part to change it's meaning to watching the weight expand... Either way...I am not stopping:)

3. Going to Target is always an experience for me. The other day, we were at my favorite store when Finley informed me she had to go potty....really bad!!!! Of course, she needs to go about 50 times and day...and we just went! So I tried to hold her off for a few minutes to finish my shopping. I tell her..."Sit in the basket in the cart. Sitting down makes it feel like you don't have to go as bad. She sits in the basket and off we go again. A few minutes later, "Mommy..I just wet my pants". Great...I look beneath the cart. Sure enough on our water bottles I was going to purchase, there was pee on it. YUCK. I clean it up as much as I could. But we get up to the cash register...and that poor poor check out lady. She had no idea that she was NOT cleaning and touching up just water on those bottles.....and of course I was not going to tell her. What you don't know...won't kill you....HA!

4. Where we live, the closest Starbucks is about 12-15 minutes away. That.is.too.far. This little town in suburbia where I live...REALLY needs to get on the ball and get me my Starbucks. This is a staple I cannot live without...nor do I realize can I drive 30 minutes just to get one....but I still do. Starbucks...if you are out there...please...please...come out to my little suburbia town. thank you!

5. Why does my kitchen counters always look like this when I bake? Steve always calls me the tornado in the kitchen. I CAN.NOT. be clean when I cook. I'm a mess...

6. And why do my floors always look like this when I cook or bake...???

7. Is the mess really worth it? This is a cake I am taking to my friend who just had a little baby...the cake was the cause of my mess....

8. Ok so it was worth it. I love baking for new little babes!

9. My own little babe is getting to be one big girl. I swear she has been saying "MOMMA" when I pick her up. Steve thought I was totally making this up until he heard it last night. He told her, "Harper...say Dada!" Harper babbled a little and then said.."Momma!" It was too funny. I guess I know who her favorite is! HA!

10. Harper is also a rolling machine now! So now it begins...a life with a mobile little one. Oh boy...my life just got a little more crazy!

A Man, His girls, and His Favorite Game...

2010-04-14T19:11:00.000-07:00

Monday I get a call from Steve.

Steve - “Hey Sarah..I got us my work’s seats for the ICubs game tonight!”

Me – “Whoah..tonight? Quick notice! I have no one to watch the girls.”

Steve – “Oh they have seats too. They will LOVE it. I can’t wait to take my girls to the game.”

Click…

Now, I was VERY excited about going to the ICubs game. I love going to baseball games. The smells, the people, the click of the bat hitting the ball, and most importantly the food. HA! And to make it even more exciting for me, I was going to get a childhood dream come true. You see, growing up in a family with 3 sports fanatic brothers and 1 father from Chicago, I was a pretty big Cubs fan. More than that, I was a HUGE Ryne Sandberg fan. I thought he was so cute! I named my stuffed animals after him. So when I found out Ryne Sandberg was going to be the manager of the ICubs this year, I basically wanted Steve to run out and buy season passes. So I was excited about going. But…I knew it would be a miracle if we could make it past the 1st inning with the girls.

Steve, on the other hand, had way different expectations. Now, if any of you know Steve, he is a Man’s man! He loves hunting, football, hockey, golf, Nascar, and well…just about anything a boy could love. Does Steve get to do any of these things having 3 girls? Well..not so much. Our outings usually include trips to Princess Ice Shows or showings of Annie at the theater. Poor guy…doesn’t get to do “guy” things with the family all too much. But for him, Monday was going to be a different outing. We were going to do a “guy” thing and the whole fam was going to have the time of their lives. He could finally make his little princesses into sports fans and maybe even tomboys. (Well…I wouldn’t go that far if I have anything to do with it.)

So we start out. We get to the stadium. First stop (even before we get to our seats).

Reese and Finley-“OH! I see Cotton Candy. Can we get it Daddy! Right NOW!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?”

Daddy (who is still in pure heaven) – “Sure my little princesses”. Then he gets conned in from our two little con artists to get 3 drinks, a container of popcorn, a hotdog, and cotton candy. We juggle all the food, all the girls, and all the drinks very very carefully to our awesome front row, right behind home plate seats.

Reese and Finley inhale the cotton candy---it’s gone and the game hasn’t even started. I notice my childhood “boyfriend” Ryne—and can’t stop taking pictures. PATHETIC I know…. Steve is holding his drink, Harper, and trying to eat his hotdog all while Harper is trying to grab his drink and hotdog as well. I don’t care…I’m too busy taking pictures of my childhood dream boy.

The girls are slightly entertained when Cubbies the bear comes over to wave at them. And then they start in again… “Can I have more snack”, “This is boring.” Ahh…this is getting fun!!

The game started.

Finley-“I have to go potty.” Grrr…I’m just watching my man in his managing action. Ok..I grab her and Harper, who was starting to get fussy and go. We get back to our seats in the start of the bottom of the 1st.

Reese – “I have to go potty…” Steve then takes her. It is just the beginning of the 2nd. And let me tell you, it was a quick 1st inning.

Popcorn is gone. Pop is gone. Pretzel is gone. And the girls..well they are basically gone. “I want more snack. This is boring!”

Me – “Girls sit down. “ Then I proceed to try to teach them the game. First of all this is funny because like I KNOW anything about this game anyway…come on! Second of all, they weren’t even listening to a word I said. All they could see was the guy behind us eating a great big ice cream cone and that is what they wanted.

Harper starts crying…and I mean REALLY crying. She then proceeds to throw up her dinner on me---sweet potatoes and peaches on a white shirt. Let me tell you…that spit up is very….attractive..:)

And then it happens…our moment of fame. Our moment in the spotlight.

Reese and Finley are throwing fits because they can’t have more snack and are bored. Harper is screaming her lungs out…and we are on the Jumbo-Tron. For about a full minute the cameras were in our face. Steve and I stopped our scolding of the girls, turned to the camera and smiled and waved. Me with my puky shirt, Steve with a flustered face, Reese with a scowl, Finley with an upset tummy, and Harper screaming her lungs out. What a “put together” family were we. That moment of fame was just telling the world, “Hello Des Moines! Don’t you want to be a family just like us? Wasn’t it a SMART idea to take 3 little princesses to a baseball game?”
3rd Inning – It was time to go. We couldn’t do it anymore. As we were packing up to leave, Steve turns to me and says, “Well…maybe we SHOULD try for that boy…”

Oh poor Steve…..he just doesn’t have a chance with these three princesses.

The Mom Look

2010-04-10T13:15:00.000-07:00

I got nine whole minutes in the hot steaming shower today. NINE.WHOLE.MINUTES. It was glorious…until Finley comes barging through the door announcing, “MOMMY! I went poopy and wiped all by myself!” She prances around ever so proud of herself. I gasp while envisioning what her bathroom looks like and well…trying NOT to envision what her..ahem…hiney looks like. My hot, steaming solitude of cleanliness quickly comes to an end as I step out of the shower demanding that Finley pull down her pants so I could finish her job. She just stares at me. Up and down she stares, almost inquisitively as if she is thinking, “OH.MY. WORD,” (in Finley’s language it would be pronounces OH MY WOOWD), “What in the world has happened to Mommy’s body?” And then she starts giggling some. “Mommy you are bouncin’!” I quickly cover up with my towel, horrified. I want to tell her, “Honey…I’ve bore three offspring. They are about to my knees. I now call them my tubes. And for the rest of it…well…I just can’t lay off the granola or the stinking Thin Mints. I have to have something to look forward to!” But I don’t say aloud for I know in her little 3 year old mind, I would give her the spiel, and the only thing that would register would be the cookies….and then she would want one at 9am. So I choose to ignore her comment and start wiping away.

I got a total of 8 more minutes to get ready. Now that includes drying my hair, slapping on a little makeup, and running my flat iron through the frizz. During that 8 minute streak…Harper was belting out quite the tunes in her bouncy seat (which was in the bathroom as well)…and she wasn’t belting out the Star Spangled Banner mind you, Reese was fussing about her socks and shirt being too tight (I wanted to tell her that I hope in 10 years that she WILL STILL be fussing about a shirt being too tight…but that wouldn’t have gone over too well), and Finley kept unrolling the toilet paper. With the last stroke of the flat iron, I gave myself the once over in the mirror. ICK. That was all I could think of. But oh well. I don’t have time for my look anymore. I got a million other things to think about. As long as I got the stench from my run this morning off, I am good.

I grab my little opera singer from her bouncy seat and latch her on to one of my “tubes” so her WHOLE performance would come to an end, and my mind drifts off to that scary vision I just saw in the mirror. Before I had children, I swore I would never have the typical “Mom Look.” You know what I mean. The LEE jeans that make the back pockets look like they are on your back..not your butt, the hair in the constant pony tail..with a scrunchy no less, little to no makeup, and the big pearl necklace floating somewhere between the neck and “the girls”. Or it was the jean jumper fitted ever so nicely around the bulging, bumpy buttocks garnished with a little cardigan with crocheted bunnies or cute little butterflies. Now I will still NEVER EVER be caught dead in a jean jumper nor will I wear anything that would try to give my butt a lift without surgery, but the realization of my “Mom Look” was a little too close to my nightmares of the visions of my youth.

Ok…lets start with the old love handles. Now I can see why Lee Jeans were so popular. Those moms didn’t want their flap of skin waving up and down as they chase their children. Hmm…jeans that go up past my belly button may be needed to be considered. Then lets go to my stomach. I was wearing a shirt the other day, and Reese frowned at me and said, “Mom..it looks like you’re having a baby again!” The shirt I have on today doesn’t do my stomach anymore justice, nor can one look past the spots I have on all my shirts. It has now become my fashion statement…spit up. And when it’s not spit up, it’s poop. Or wait…today it was boogies from my snooty nosed little 6 month old. I am telling you…the fragrance of me is nothing to be missed. I am turning the ol’ heads of men everywhere. (Note heavy sarcasm please…).

I envy those swanky Professional women who can wear FUN high heeled shoes, rock out those peep toed shoes, have an IRONED shirt on, and look so very well put together. I LOOK for opportunities to get dressed up and get out of my “mom uniform” (which is either t-shirt and jeans or sweats…depends on how I ate the day before! HA!) At church on Sundays, I many times am the ONLY one wearing a dress since it’s the only chance I get. But as much as a try…I DON”T look all put together on those days too. My dress ends up with spit up on the shoulders and poop on the arm. My panty hose make my dress cling in the places it really shouldn’t, or I have “plumbers crack” every time I bend over in a pair of “NICE” jeans. How do those Professional women do it?

Oh and then there is my hair. While I DO NOT do scrunchies, I have become quite fond of the old headband. The headband with the pony tail look has become frightfully familiar to my poor husband. I just can’t think of a better way to hide either one or both of two things: a)my long grown out roots. I don’t want anyone to know I am not a natural, beautiful blond, or b). that I haven’t had the privilege of showering for a few days.

So there you have it. That is my MOM look. I grab my computer with one hand while Harper is still eating and look up TLC’s What Not to Wear and see if there is ANY WAY I can nominate myself for that show. Looks like it may be a long shot. A mall shopping spree is in order. The first stop is Forever 21 (I think I will rename it Forever 29…) to get some trendy stuff, and then Ann Taylor for some sophisticated stuff, and then American Eagle for some make me look younger stuff. My self confidence needs a boost, and my look needs a change.

I see my Bible at my nightstand and immediately I can hear the words of Proverbs come to my mind…”No matter what, Sarah. You are fearfully and Wonderfully made.” Then I hear a “HA” from my sweet baby in my lap who is trying to get my attention. I look down and a big smile awaits me. A few coos, some more smiles, and some big slobbery kisses later my two older girls join me. “Mommy, can we cuddle?” And with that all 4 girls are in bed together…cuddling and watching cartoons. While I don’t want to let myself go and become the typical MOM look I envisioned as a teen, I realized that I will take this anyday to looking like I have myself all put together. I will trade the nicely ironed shirt for the poop and spit up stained one if that means a few more minutes of cuddle time with my sweet baby. I will trade in those cute peep toed shoes for some ugly tennis shoes if that means quality time at the zoo with my girls. While I may not look like I am all put together, I sure FEEL all put together. I am so blessed!

A little Bit More about my Little Bitty....

2010-04-08T11:06:00.000-07:00

Harper at your 6th month check up, you went from being in the 90th% to now the 68%. But those chubs still are rollin! :) I love it. You weigh 17 lbs. Both your sisters were 18 lbs when they turned a year old. Yes, I think you will have them beat! And you know what else the Doctor told me at your checkup? That Mommy spoils you too much. Daddy agrees but of course Mommy still thinks you can't spoil something as sweet as you too much. The doctor agreed..no more sleeping in your carseat and no more night feedings! While I am so happy to get some more sleep, I was dreading letting you cry it out. But, alas, you surprised me and only cried an hour one night. Slept through the next night. Now you are still waking up off and on..but you are mainly sleeping through the night....finally. Now naps...they are another story. You don't like those ONE.BIT. You also hit another hurdle this past week. You would NOT eat baby food or cereal. But this week you decided you kind of liked it. Now you really like it. You still get a little mad at me when I give you some veggies. Bananas and pears are your favorite. Yesterday you ate a whole jar of pears, a whole jar of bananas, and half of a jar of sweet potatoes. I think you want to get back up to that 90%. You also have rolled over a few times. Of course you always do it when Momma leaves the room, and won't do it for me again...but I will see it someday! :)

I can't believe how much you have grown in 6 months. My baby is growing up too fast!

A little bit about my little bitty....

2010-04-06T12:40:00.000-07:00

Guess Who is sitting up now??

Well....almost.....

I can't believe she is a half a year already...trying to get these pics are now getting a lot harder as paper is so yummy to a 6 month old!

Conversations At the Grocery Store with a 3 Year Old

2010-04-05T13:03:00.000-07:00

“Finley…dear…please stop licking the freezer doors…”

“No, Finley, I don’t think we will be needing Hemorrhoid cream today dear.” (and then frantically looking around to make sure no one sees her…I mean what 3 year old knows what hemorrhoid cream is…my face is beat red from embarrassment.)

“Finley you about knocked your little sister unconscious by throwing the apples in the cart. GENTLY, place them down.”

“No Finley, we are not done yet..”

“Finley, please stop climbing into the deli goods please…”

“Finley…enough licking of the freezer doors!”

“Finley dear…what are you eating?”

“Honey, we need to pay for the fruit roll up before we eat it.”

“What are you eating now? The ice from the freezer bins? Sick….”

“FINLEY…that is DISGUSTING! STOP LICKING THE FREEZER DOORS!”

Disclaimer: Some of the comments on my part were not quite so syrupy sweet in the moment.

To My First Born from Your Loving Mother—your #1 cheerleader,

2010-04-05T12:54:00.000-07:00

My precious Reese….you may never read this and certainly won’t read this now, but I wanted to write you this and let you know that YOU MATTER and YOU ARE SO SPECIAL. You see, right now you are going through an unbelievably tough time. You may not be able to verbalize this to me or even to yourself. You are only an almost 6 year old. Who would have known that moving from Virginia to the Midwest would have had such an impact on you? Certainly not me. When the prospect of moving came up, you, Reese, were the least of my concerns. You…adaptable…dependable…you. But I know. I can see the turmoil built inside that little body. I sense the nervousness in your voice. Mommy may seem insensitive, but Reese, if you could see inside my heart, you would see otherwise. You see…I’m trying in my own Mommy way to tell you…”You can do it!”

Starting a new school for you has been so very hard. Making new friends and leaving your very best of ones in Virginia has impacted you more then I realized. Every time I hear you come home and say that someone was mean to you at school…a piece of my heart breaks. Everytime I hear that the kids at school made fun of you because of your size, my heart crushes. And you don’t even see that tear coming down my cheek. Every time I hear what the kids say about the things you wear to school, my heart breaks. My sweet little innocent Reese. I can’t help but think how are these kids’ actions might squash that sweet innocence about you.

My outgoing, friendly Reese. I hear you yell out to your “new friends”, “HI Sophie..” or whoever may be crossing your path. You never seem to back down….even though most of the friends I have seen hardly even acknowledge you after your request to play. Don’t ever back down Reese. Don’t let the actions of others change WHO GOD MADE YOU to be.

But today…my heart broke into a million pieces. You didn’t know…and Mommy is not going to tell you. You got out of the car. Little you with the big old backpack on nervously hopped out of the van in front of the school. As I was watching you walk up to the sidewalk alone, my mind flashed back to what had happened earlier this morning. When I told you to get dressed for school, your response was very atypical of you (although it’s becoming more of a common occurrence lately). “I HATE school. I’m not going. I HATE HATE HATE it.” Such strong words….such drama. But a Mommy wants to know why. Why the fits that is normally not your personality?

My mind quickly flashed back to watching you walk to meet your class in line. You looked too little to be walking into school. You’re my baby…kindergarten came way too fast. That backpack looks too big for you. And then you reach your class. No one says Hi….No one acknowledges. And you go to the back of the line….and wait. By yourself. Oh Reese, if only you could see how I am hurting for you. It probably hurts me more then it hurts you.

I quickly want to jump out of the car and stand in line with you. I picture myself yelling across the playground and jumping up and down for all to pay attention, “Hey you all! You don’t know what you are missing here. Reese is the most special girl in the UNIVERSE. She is full of life, compassion, FUN, and loyal.” I want to get into those mean girls’ faces and get on a 5 year old level and shout, “DON”T YOU DARE TAKE THE SWEETNESS AND COMPASSION AND INNOCENCE OUT OF MY CHILD!” But alas, I won’t…it’s not my place.

But then I realize if my heart is breaking like this, imagine how God feels. If I think you are the most special 5 almost 6 year old girl in the universe…how does God feel about you? Reese, God is so crazy about you. He sees the turmoil your little heart is in. He knows how much you miss your little best friend in VA. He knows what a special, unique individual you are. Of course He does, He made you! And I have no question in my mind, that He will also provide for you. He sees your compassion for others, your nurturing loving spirit. I know right now you are a little too young to truly understand how deep his love is for you, but my prayer is that you will feel it…even now. And that you will remember our verse, “Be strong and courageous, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

So now…when I remember that picture of my sweet little Reese in the back of the line…she is not alone anymore. For standing next to her in line, holding on to her hand ever so tightly…is her ultimate friend. For it is Jesus. And He is with you Reese, wherever the rest of this school year may take you. I love you. YOU ARE SO SPECIAL!

Private Property Friday

2010-04-02T13:29:00.000-07:00

Easter Bunnies, grocery list
Ridiculed and pierced fist
Chocolate eggs, hidden eggs, and those all encompassing Cadbury Eggs
“Please forgive them…” my Father begs
Busyness, scowls, and attitudes forlorn
Humiliation, garment torn, and a crown of thorns
Celebrating a day off of work and school
Who knew that today was the ultimate Redemption tool
I’m so sorry Father for how quickly we have forgotten about your gift
And how even on this day my mind so easily drifts
For what you did for me on this day
Changed my life and took my sins away
My own redemption forgotten so fast
The society celebration of this day is a thing of the past
Your suffering for my ultimate gain
Oh Lord, please forgive me for taking this in vain
For let me remember what you did for me on that cross
And what you did for a world that is at a loss
On this day you hung there and bled for me
Body broken for a chance at eternity
How this day made my sins as white as snow
I want the whole world to know
How what you did for me on this Friday
You did for the whole world who has tossed you away
For you are not private property for only a few to see
You suffered for us all that we all may be free
Thank you Lord for my redemption story
May the Whole World revel in your glory

My TO DO List...

2010-03-30T13:12:00.000-07:00

I feel like I live a life of chaos. I don’t know what one hour holds to the next. And if any of you know me, organization is not a real talent in my life. Well…let me rephrase that. I do NOT like to organize. As much as I hate to admit it, I will never be like some of you who may read this that in their spare moments are reorganizing that same toy bin that they did last week. And to be honest with you, I found this NEW revelation about myself quite startling. See…I would love to be organized. I would LOVE to feel like I “have it all together.” I would love to find that one kitchen utensil I know I used last week! There is this inner part of my personality that wants to be organized.

Since we have moved, I have felt overwhelmed. I feel as if I am swimming in boxes, paint cans, and my own anatomy of self-defeat. My thought process is…If only I was more organized, this would be a lot easier. So one night Steve and I were lying in bed drifting off into “lala” land and ALAS…I came up with this NOVEL idea—creating a TO-DO list. Now, I have never been much of a “list” person in my life unless it consisted of “my dream man” or “foods I want to eat in my lifetime”. I always felt like TO DO lists were so demanding. So inhibiting. It was like the notebook became my Momma and I was 6 years old again. See not even a NOTEBOOK was going to tell me what to do that day. It was better if “I just thought of it” and did the action…kind of like I was going the extra mile that day. But I figured that wasn’t working since I was so desperate. I WAS GOING TO BE MORE ORGANIZED. I WAS GOING TO STOP FEELING OVERWHELMED. I was going to try this list thing.

Right then and there, I turned on the light and got my pen and started writing down the things I have been needing to get done that I was determined to do today. Steve groaned, “Can your number 1 TO DO thing be turn off the light please?”

“Honey, organized people must not fall asleep at 10:15pm. They need to prepare for the day ahead. “ I shushed him off. Now where was I….oh yes…my list.

Here is what my TO DO list consisted of today:

*Pick up downstairs
*Clean kitchen thoroughly
*Clean downstairs bathroom
*Wash the poop stain blouse Harper initiated on me
*Launder the whites
*Take Harper to the Dr.
*Ask the Dr. if I could give Harper even a little sip of whiskey to help her sleep at night. (Ha! Just kidding!)
*make my bed
*Fold those clean clothes that have been sitting in my laundry room for a week
*Clean the toothpaste spit from the girl’s bathroom sink
*clean that ol’ crusted pee on the girl’s bathroom toilet
*Eat…(well I really didn’t think I would forget this, but I want to be organized…and heaven help me if I didn’t put time in for this…)
*Call about Reese’s soccer uniform
*Oh and if all things above get done…go outside and play with Finley

Whew..I felt good about my list. I did a little math and figured if I got up at 6am, and went to bed at 11pm…this list would get done! YES! And then a little time for my closet show..(shh…don’t tell..I’m embarrassed to admit…Gossip Girl!). I felt so good about the new and organized me. These TO DO lists were A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. I felt sorry I had bad mouthed them all these years…. This new list was going to point me to success in homemaking!

Then I woke up. My alarm went off at 6….and then 6:10….then 6:20. You get the idea. But I did get out of bed at 6:30 as soon as I remembered my list. I started off so gallantly. Making my bed…getting ready..getting the girls ready…getting to Harper’s Dr.’s appt. And then well…things happened. So since I was on a “list” kick, I wrote down what I actually did…

-Made my bed
-fed Harper
-went to Dr.’s appt to only find out that Harper is SPOILED and needs to stop sleeping in her carseat
-fed Harper
-Went to Target (sure that wasn’t on my list above..and neither was spending the $50 that I did…but it would have been on my list sometime in the week…I am sure of that…)
-Fed Harper
-Painted my toenails (since the weather is getting nicer…this moved to a P.R.I.O.R.I.T.Y. HORRORS if I so happened to wear flip flops these next couple of days with winter toes…NO way..not going to do it. GROSS. )
-Played Soccer with Finley outside. It was gorgeous today…I couldn’t pass it up.
-fed Harper
-daydreamed about decorating for Easter and what to have for Easter dinner (yeah…I’m working on this organizing thing…I like to wait til last minute).
-Fed Harper

Ok..so maybe that is NOT ALL I did today…and I did realize…that baby LOVES to eat. No wonder she is a chunk of munk! Or an emotional eater like her momma. Anyway…my TO DO List today turned into a TO DO list tomorrow. Or wait….

Maybe I shouldn’t be measuring my success in “homemaking” or motherhood by what I DO that day…but the interactions I build that day. Sure List making for some people is the best thing they could do. It’s a great tool…and I need to utilize it more. But I resign the fact that I won’t be or never will be one of these super organized individuals or these super moms who have it all together. List making to me is still a little too confining. Since I didn’t get all my “TO DO’s” done, I felt like a failure. But really…was I?

I was able to have a picnic with the sweetest 3 year old in town. I was able to cuddle and kiss my way too big 6 month old. I was able to kick the soccer ball with my little ball of energy. There still is poop on my favorite blouse. Those clothes still need to be folded. I still DON”T feel organized.

But was today a success? The bed was made. Was today a success? I was able to enjoy God’s beauty, who He is. Was today a success? By the way of those sweet kisses Finley just gave me a….I would say…YES…it was a success.

Sunday Dinners...EXPOSED....

2010-03-28T13:33:00.000-07:00

Recently my family and I moved back to where I grew up. One of the best things about being closer to family is a new tradition we have started--Sunday dinners after church. A time where cousins can interact and grandparents can catch up with the kiddos. But if you are anything like my family, going out to eat is quite a chore. In my case awhile back, I think I vowed to never go out again. Here is what happened:

We had decided to go out to Olive Garden. One of my favorite restaurants...BUT if anyone knows Olive Garden, they know it is always CRAZY BUSY! Anybody with children understands what a gamble and risk you are taking when you bring any child, let alone a then 22 month old in a nice restaurant. That day was no exception as we entered the doors greeted by the savory smells of garlic, basil, breadsticks, and….fat. My heart started racing as Finley begs to be put down so she can tap her black “tappy” shoes on the red brick floor. As we get seated, Finley races around the table nearly running into waiters and waitresses balancing their tray full of steaming food. As they recover their balance, the waitresses give us looks as if to say, “Why can’t you keep that child under control.” I get caught up in the “ring around the rosy” game as I am chasing Finley around the table trying to get her in her high chair. Dizzy and out of breath, I finally grab a hold of her black shirt and start to put her in the high chair. Kicking and screaming, Finley let the tables around us know that she would have nothing to do with the humane adage of sitting peacefully for a nice, quiet lunch. Disgusted patrons turned their heads our way and then murmured their disgraces under their breath sarcastically how this was going to be a GREAT lunch!

Our waitress, a young brunette, who appeared to be in her twenties looked quite perturbed and stressed as she reached our table. Her look said it all. “Oh great…screaming kids=mess and no good tip.” Don’t you love stereotypes? She hurried us through lunch trying to get us out as quick as possible. In the meantime, Finley, threw just about everything she could get her paws on off the table. She started flinging her crayons towards the table next to us nearly pelting an older lady in the eye. After she had played too much Frisbee with the drink holders and almost decapitated that same lady that about lost her eye, I decided Finley needed a change of scenery and I needed to empty my bladder.

Tap, tap tap, tap, went Finley’s shoes. “Hi….hello….potty…” went Finley’s mouth at about every table we passed. She had to let everyone know where her “tappy” shoes were headed. Once we got to the bathroom, we had to wait in line. Gone were the savory smells of basil and garlic. Enter even stronger smells---sewage. Standing behind two larger “behinds” which jiggled to the dance of “I have to go RIGHT now”, I lost my appetite. When Finley and I finally got into the tiny stall, I let out a sigh of bladder relief. Finley squealed with delight because we were in a room with 2 of her favorite things…no wait 3 of her favorite things. A toilet, toilet paper, and a shiny door handle. As I started lining the toilet seat with toilet paper, something that I am OCD about, my sigh of relief turned into a gasp of horror. There is hardly any toilet paper left! I had just waited in line with a 22 month old, a full bladder, and an urgent need to go...really bad if you know what I mean. I carefully plop my bottom down on the 3 squares of carefully thought out toilet paper on the throne. As I am doing my very private “duty” Finley starts grabbing pieces of the precious toilet paper and pretends to wipe her diaper lined bottom and then proceeds to come close to the toilet, looking in to see what I was doing, and throws the paper in. “NO!” I scream out as if Finley is throwing pieces of gold down the toilet. Then Finley notices the shiny silver handle and I underestimated the fine motor skills of a 22 month old. As I was counting how many sheets of toilet paper I had left, Finley opened the door for the whole line of people to see me on my throne in all my glory. Sure, I was glowing like any princess does….just it was my face radiating red bouncing off the white toilet. I quickly shut the door and scold Finley. “Just stay still for once will you Fin?” By then, Finley ran to the roll of toilet paper and knocked it off the holder. I watched as my precious “gold” fell to the ground and like in slow motion, unrolled its way under two stalls. Finley sticks her head under the stall and gazes up at the woman who I only know as tan shoes, blue jeans lady and says, “oopsie!” Embarrassed again, I stick my hand under the stall as I brush the tan shoes, blue jeans lady’s leg. “Sorry,” I say as I grab my saving grace….the 5 squares I have left. Finley, still gazing under the stall, repeats me, “So sorwey….”
“Finley, stand up!” I shout while clutching my prized, hard-earned toilet paper in my hand. Finley bolts up and starts opening up the door again. I sigh, frustrated. I surrender. I am defeated. A 22 month old beat me in the game of privacy doin' the duty. I quickly use the rest of my toilet paper, get dressed and drag her out of the bathroom. I have surrendered that I can no longer use public restrooms with my 22 month old without being publically humiliated. As we leave the doors of Olive Garden, Steve turns to me as says, “Hey that wasn’t so bad! Where do you want to go tonight to eat?”

SIGH

I guess Sunday dinners will be at our house from now on.....

The Modern Day Proverbs 31 Woman

2010-03-27T19:21:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, in a land far FAAARRR away lived a woman. Her closet was filled with size 2 clothes. Her home echoed the sound of 4 children. Every morning she awoke at 5 am to pray for a half an hour, and then step on her treadmill while reading her Bible. She was working on memorizing the book of Philippians and was ¾ of the way done. At 7 am her children awoke, and she greeted them with kisses and big smiles on her face. She had so much energy and excitement for what the day held. As she made her four children eggs and pancakes every morning, they quietly got dressed, brushed their teeth, and made their beds. Breakfast time was the children’s time at memorizing scripture. Morning was devoted to memorizing the book of Proverbs. Kisses and smiles and they were out the door on the bus to school.
While the children were in school, the women devoted an hour to cut out soup labels for the pta for her children’s’ school. (Did I mention she was the president of it?) Then she devoted an hour every day to volunteer in one of her child’s classrooms. For the rest of the time her children were in school she devoted her time to her ETSY online shop where she tailored the cutest children’s clothing. With the earnings she made from her shop from the last year she guaranteed a full year of college for her first born.

Dinner was served promptly at 5:30pm as soon as her husband walked through the door. All food groups were presented on the plate, and her children devoured her meals while her husband raved every night, “Wow..this is the best meal you’ve made yet!” Bath time, bed time, and Bible stories breezed through the remainder of the evening as she quietly tucked her 4 little munchkins under their warm covers as she couldn’t wait to tend and focus on her husband for the rest of the night. AHHH..such as a day in the life of the woman. A woman who never complains…..and each night they live happily ever after.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! When I read Proverbs 31 is it wrong to say that I want to just laugh? “There is NO WAY I can obtain that”, I think. Here is the day in the life of ME---
After being up numerous times in the night with a spoiled 6 month old, I groggily hit the snooze button on the alarm for the 10th time. I fall out of my bed with a TOO BIG OF THUD (thanks to child bearing butt!) when I notice that thanks to my snooze a rooze I now have 30 minutes to get my kiddos ready and out the door for the day. Oh wait—I DON”T have to wake my kids up as they come up when the sun comes up….E.V.E.R.Y. M.O.R.N.I.N.G. Yes, you would have thought that I birthed roosters. But alas…the difference in the mornings are no crowing is heard when the sun comes up, only the toots of my 5 year old pooping on the toilet (EVERY MORNING!) and the screams of my 3 year old yelling at her sister.

“Kids! Hurry and get dressed and come down for breakfast! I laid your clothes last night on your floor.” I yell as I try to brush my teeth to get rid of the Grinch stench that erupts from my mouth each morning.

“NOOOOOOOO!!! I DON”T want to get dressed. I want breakfast. I’m NOT GOING to school today!” Reese yells. Finley is not far behind, “I DON”T WANNA…” And so it starts. I take one quick look at myself and am almost startled myself with the big purple bags and the funky, greasy hair. Oh well. No time today. I convince Reese to go to school, do her hair (only to have her cry about the way it looks after I’m done), and move to Finley. I have to physically stop the fit throwing by holding her tightly and maneuvering the clothes around her body. It’s like the workout I never had in the morning.

While both girls are crying (Reese is still upset that God gave her a colic in her hair), I hear a peep from my third precious bundle that kept me up all hours of the night. Change diapers, change clothes. And while she is attached to the ol’boob, I race around to get Reese’s lunch packed. (That is a learned skill….don’t try it at home, kids). By the time I get all three loaded in the car I forget they haven’t had breakfast. I run back inside and grab 3 pop-tarts (hey I have to eat too!) and throw them to the backseat for them to inhale down on the way to school. Drop Reese off and head to Harper’s Dr. appointment. Wrangling the typically “MOM VAN” in the parking spot I look down and notice I am still wearing my polka dot pajama bottoms.

Sigh

I’ve felt like I’ve run a marathon and it’s not even 9am.

Well that is how a lot of my days go. And I’m lucky if dinner is more than spaghetti or a hamburger. And then…I envision the biblical Proverbs 31 woman having all this energy for her husband in the evening. HA! Poor Steve…in the evening I’m spent. I want to be with him, to spend time with him, but I’m tired. Shhh…don’t tell him…but some nights I’ll even dress in the closet so….well…you know….I don’t want to tempt! Ha! Is this what motherhood should look like? A marathon of pure pandemonium? Then I feel guilty for not being this Proverbs 31 woman---I’m perfectionistic like that.

I get depressed with the mundane of my marathon. I sometimes get to the point where I don’t even enjoy it. Even some hours where I don’t enjoy my children because I put so much pressure on myself (I even hate to admit it!). But then I studied those verses a little more in Proverbs. That virtuous woman didn’t necessarily have it all together, like I don’t have it all together. But she did do something that showed in every other aspect of her life-she enjoyed her job as a mother and let it fulfill her. She was allowed to be BLESSED by her children and her husband. I had been looking at it wrong. I thought I was to do the blessing to my children and husband. If I look at my children to bless me, my outlook on my day is totally different. Sure, it’s not going to change the crying and fit throwing of a three year old. But it just might change my attitude on those mornings I don’t feel I have any more energy to give.

So this blog is being started as a way for me to find that God given joy in all aspects of my Motherhood. To allow my children to BLESS me. And even though I know many will not read this, I want to capture my every day journey for me to share it with my girls some day.
So here we go….Let’s go on this journey beyond the Puke, Poop, and Pandemonium!